Your family is crowded round the Christmas tree, which is all newly tarted up with tinsel and baubles. Someone flicks the switch, and the whole room coos ‘awwwwwww’ in unison, taking in the warm glow of cheap supermarket fairy lights. Not you though. Because you’ve already had enough. You didn’t see what was so great about that John Lewis ad. What’s so moving about a big blue monster who looks like a giant bath mat, eh? You’re already irritable about Oxford Street crowds, even though you haven’t been yet. Bing Crosby is on record skip in your head. And if one more person in the office offers you a stale mince pie from the break area, you’re going to lose it.
You, my friend, have the Christmas rage.
But don’t worry, this is London, so someone, somewhere, has already invented a cure. At Rudolph’s Rage Room, you can slip into a red jumpsuit and hard hat, grab a baseball bat and smash the bejesus out of a room full of carefully arranged Christmas decorations. Choose your favourite Christmas soundtrack (or, for hate-smashing, pick the song that annoys you most), start swinging and watch those shards of bauble fly.
For some reason, the person in the rage room promo shot chose to do their smashing in red heels, which aren’t prime whacking gear. And that hard hat is covering their eyes. And those baubles on the floor appear to be Photoshopped. In the actual rage room, there will be real decorations to destroy (we hope). It’ll cost you though – £18 per session – but you do get a welcome prosecco and entry to Rudolph’s pop-up bar. Or you could just pay £3 for entry and watch a friend lose their shit with a pine tree. Rage against the Christmas machine, people. You will never defeat it, but you can take a swing at it.
Rudolph’s Rage Room opens at a secret location from today until Monday December 18.
Think this is weird? Wait until you hear what’s happening with the fatberg.
Chill, everyone. Look at these lovely pictures of London in the snow. So soothing.
Is London the best city in the world for theatre/art/music/nightlife/