Go into mourning
Wear some form of Edwardian period costume. Perhaps a chimney sweep? Or a lady in mourning. Try a lace cape, a waistcoat, or weathered, knobbly boots – maybe even carry a jaunty broomstick.
Have some experimental socks
Wear your trousers slightly too short in order to expose a good inch of statement sock – these can be an unusual colour, overly long, an exuberant print, or just a bid odd. But never black.
Load up on daft jewellery
With rings and watches, way too much is never enough. Layer your wrists and fingers with accoutrements of at last half your own body weight.
Shoes: the bigger the better
The chunkiness of the shoe or boot should be inversely proportional to the thickness of the leg. Thus, very skinny females should wear footwear the size of traction engines.
Wear a gently creased shirt, buttoned right to the larynx. Leg-of-mutton sleeves optional.
Accessorise all areas
Always have one item that is silly. An animal–shaped bag, for instance, or a necklace of beads the size of tennis balls. Or indeed a necklace made of tennis balls.
Shoe it like a dude
If you’re a girl, wear very masculine shoes, such as brogues. Or hobnail boots. If you’re a man, wear spats.
Give good head
Wear a piece of statement millinery: a deerstalker or something like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter is ideal.
Go a bit off colour
Wear colours somewhere near other shades that could be more easily identified. So, not yellow, but ‘chartreuse’, not purple, but ‘bruise’.
Be a bag lady
Carry a miscellaneous item that is not a bag, but serves the purpose of a bag. A bicycle basket, antique lunchbox or a violin case work well.
You can tell a fair bit about a salon from the calibre of towel on offer. At this swish Marylebone hairdressers, founded by Fred Gielly and Shai Greenberg, they’re as thick as duvets and the colour of caramel highlights. That level of service runs through the whole establishment, which is darkly glossy and reassuringly expensive. Cuts cost up to £165 (although you can get a junior stylist for £70), but if you have the money to spend, it’s a great place to spend it. As well as the usual roster of cuts and colour, there is a spa-style beauty department, where you can go for a 120-minute facial, have your eyebrows threaded or treat your cuticles with a hot oil special.
Venue says: “Home of London’s finest hair artists, an eclectic weave of exceptional stylists and colourists in an indulgent haven in Marylebone.”