Go into mourning
Wear some form of Edwardian period costume. Perhaps a chimney sweep? Or a lady in mourning. Try a lace cape, a waistcoat, or weathered, knobbly boots – maybe even carry a jaunty broomstick.
Have some experimental socks
Wear your trousers slightly too short in order to expose a good inch of statement sock – these can be an unusual colour, overly long, an exuberant print, or just a bid odd. But never black.
Load up on daft jewellery
With rings and watches, way too much is never enough. Layer your wrists and fingers with accoutrements of at last half your own body weight.
Shoes: the bigger the better
The chunkiness of the shoe or boot should be inversely proportional to the thickness of the leg. Thus, very skinny females should wear footwear the size of traction engines.
Wear a gently creased shirt, buttoned right to the larynx. Leg-of-mutton sleeves optional.
Accessorise all areas
Always have one item that is silly. An animal–shaped bag, for instance, or a necklace of beads the size of tennis balls. Or indeed a necklace made of tennis balls.
Shoe it like a dude
If you’re a girl, wear very masculine shoes, such as brogues. Or hobnail boots. If you’re a man, wear spats.
Give good head
Wear a piece of statement millinery: a deerstalker or something like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter is ideal.
Go a bit off colour
Wear colours somewhere near other shades that could be more easily identified. So, not yellow, but ‘chartreuse’, not purple, but ‘bruise’.
Be a bag lady
Carry a miscellaneous item that is not a bag, but serves the purpose of a bag. A bicycle basket, antique lunchbox or a violin case work well.
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