NYC parents are a crowd of pretty cool cats, often gracefully dealing with plenty of funny business (See 25 things only NYC parents would ever put up with), but...they're not totally unflappable. In fact, there are a few things that really...well, make them totally crazy. Here are just a few of our favorites.—friends, family and total strangers take note!
1. Yep, eight months pregnant! Yep, that's my belly you're touching. Who are you? Why are you touching it? YO. STAHP.
2. Tell me your restroom is for employees only while my kid is dancing around and nearly in tears.
3. Trample over my kid because you're looking at your cell phone. We exist too, buddy!
4. Ignore me and maybe stare a little as I struggle up the subway steps with a stroller. (Psst...I could definitely use your help).
5. When you're standing in the checkout line in front of me, definitely invite your group of five or so friends to join you. I have one toddler that's crossing her legs and another that straight up just needs a nap. And I really really need those diapers.
6. Honk your horn as I'm trying to safely herd my kids and their scooters across the street.
7. Talk about your big, fancy (and comparably affordable) house in Westchester, as well as all the benefits of moving your family to the suburbs.
8. Give my kids THE MOST SUGAR EVER on a school night before returning them back home to me. How'd you know I love them best when they're hyped up at bedtime?
9. Dole out unsolicited parenting advice as a non-parent.
10. Dole out unsolicited parenting advice as a fellow parent.
11. Discipline my kid on the playground while I'm standing three feet away. *LASER BEAM EYES*
12. Gush about how talented your little Susie is, hinting that she a much better chance of getting into that competitive pre-K program than my kid. To hell with Susie...
13. Stay firmly planted in your subway seat and watch as I struggle to fold up the stroller, hang on to the diaper bag and calm my baby on a packed train.
14. As my friend/acquaintance/neighbor, definitely feel like its ok to steal my babysitter. REDRUM.
15. Cancel on Friday play date plans an hour before school's out. Since I didn't just plan an actual adult date with my significant other. Those tears? Not tears of despair...nope, definitely not.
16. When someone gives you the side eye for your screaming baby that just kept youup all night...
17. Visit from out of town and complain about how dirty and germy the city is, worriedly wiping your children with hand sanitizer every few minutes. If NYC was unlivable, we wouldn't be here (and you wouldn't have visited in the first place).
18. Launch into a loud diatribe riddled with expletives on the subway platform, just a few feet away from my very curious four-year-old.
19. Give my kid a toy that makes noise or sings a song thinking it's really adorable. We'll be hearing it every second of every day until the batteries get "lost" or it goes "missing" (gets hidden out on the fire escape to be killed by a rain storm).
20. Offer my kid candy or any kind of food if you're a stranger, then make me look bad when I tell my kid no because who in God's name knows what you're up to?
21. Give my family major eye rolls and sighs when we show up at a known child-friendly restaurant with the kids.
22. Glare at me while I breastfeed in public. I DARE YOU. :)