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Photograph: Courtesy CC/Flickr/Guian Bolisay

12 real-life New York dating horror stories

Jillian Anthony

Being single in the city can be tough, and we've all had our fair share of bad dates—but these New Yorkers' tall tales of dates and hookups gone very wrong might take the cake. Compare your own mishaps with the ones below, and if you have an insane story to share, submit it and you could see it in the magazine soon! 

“One weekend on Fire Island, I invited over a guy I met on Grindr. When we got to my room, he asked if he could smoke. I said sure but politely declined when he offered me some. Soon I noticed an odd smell coming from the pipe, and asked him if it was weed. He said, ‘No, it’s meth,’ like that was the most normal thing ever. I freaked out, asked him to leave and immediately deleted Grindr.”
—Elon, Bushwick

“I invited a cute guy to my apartment after a sushi date. We chatted for a bit, and he suddenly rushed to the bathroom and was gone for, like, 45 minutes. He came out and nonchalantly said he got a text about a party, so we headed out. I came home (alone) to a horrific smell. He had filled the toilet to the brim! He had the balls to call the next day for another date. I didn’t answer, as I was dealing with the aftermath of his bowels.”
—Sandy, Jersey City

“After reconnecting with an old flame, I did the logical thing and googled him. Turns out, his last girlfriend had recently and mysteriously fallen off a mountain. On our next date, he mentioned his horrible year and complained—for an hour—that he’d been suspended from work for anger issues. When he glazed over the dead girl to bash his boss, I decided I didn’t need to stick around to find out if he’d pushed her or not.”
—Laura, Greenpoint

“I met a guy on a hookup app. We met for a drink at his house and mostly talked about his love of the Italian classical boy band Il Divo, which was on the record player. Eventually, he began crying because he was so moved by the music. I finally got him in the bedroom, but he couldn’t stop crying. Then he said he needed to go to bed and sent me on my way. I thought you only found these kind of people on TV.”
—Luke, West Village

“It was my third date with this guy, and I decided to take him home with me. We were rolling around on my bed, naked, and things were going well. All of a sudden, he started growling, and then he started barking! I was so taken aback by it that I let him do it a few times before I burst out laughing in his face. He was super offended and basically got up and left. I couldn’t help it, okay!”
—Delia, Bushwick

“I had just moved to the city, fresh out of college, and hit it off with this guy at Strand Book Store. He asked me out to eat, and I suggested a place to meet for dinner. We met there a couple of days later, and once he saw the prices on the menu, his eyes got wide. ‘Uh, my mom only gave me $60 for tonight,’ he muttered. Turns out I was on a date with an 18-year-old who lived at home on the Upper East Side!”
—Monica, East Village

“For our third date, the guy I was seeing planned this really sweet outing to Coney Island. We ate our weight in Nathan’s Famous hot dogs before heading over to Luna Park. I really wanted to go on the Zenobio, the ride that flips you around over and over, and he hesitantly agreed. On our third flip, I suddenly heard him violently throwing up next to me—and yes, it got on me a little. Needless to say, he was mortified, and he never called me again.”
—Tam, Soho

“My boyfriend of three years walked in on me masturbating, not to porn—that would have been much less embarrassing—but to King of the Hill. He just walked in, said nothing, and walked out. I was so incredibly mortified, but I just turned off the television, put my pants on, and we went to bed that night and never talked about it again.”
—Autumn, Financial District

“I was dating a girl 15 years younger than me, and I thought things were going well. But one day she was acting strangely, and I kept asking her what was wrong, until she finally blurted out, ‘You’re too old for me! You’re just too old!’ I don’t know how long she’d been holding that in for, but we broke up for good that night.”
—Carl, Upper East Side

“I was on this super-fun first date, but I had one or two too many whiskeys. We went back to his place and I told him I had to use the restroom. I went in there, sat down and promptly fell asleep for two hours. He had to take the hinges off the door to come rescue me because he thought I was going to asphyxiate or something!”
—Gina, Bushwick

“I was having sex with a girl when I suddenly got a nosebleed. I was on top, so it was dripping onto her face. I told her what happened, but she just said, ‘Shut up and keep going!’ So I did! I didn’t see her again, though. That was a little too hardcore for me.”
—Mike, Bushwick

“I was at a wild party and met a girl. We were both pretty smashed, so we started making out, then she dragged me into the bathroom. We stripped down and started going at it, and I was having a great time, but mid-thrust this girl said, ‘Hurry up and finish! There’s still other guys out there!’ I guess I was only the first one on her to-do list that night.”
—Mike, Hoboken


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