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Most New Yorkers agree, dating here is rough. But after reading the below user-submitted stories, you might feel better about your own sex and dating life. (And if you have a horror story of your own, share it here!)
“I’d been dating this guy for a little bit and was really starting to catch feelings. The first time we went out together with a lot of people around, his friend came up and asked if he is my boyfriend—right in front of him. Charming little quips like ‘not yet’ or ‘if he wants to be’ ran though my head, but instead, I just stood there in silence like the human equivalent of the shrug emoji and whispered, ‘No.’ The saddest part of this whole interaction? We’re all in our thirties, not in middle school.”
—Heather, Chinatown
“I met a woman on Tinder for happy hour, and we got wasted. We went back to my place and started fooling around. She asked, ‘Is it okay if I’m on my period?’ then pulled out her tampon and threw it on my floor! Then she suddenly hurled everywhere. I put on new sheets, gave her clean clothes and water, and put her to bed. That morning, I stuffed all the dirty sheets in my laundry bag and dropped it off at the laundromat—with a huge tip!”
—Therese,Carroll Gardens
“I knew this guy for a while before we started dating. He’s one of those dudes who always has an in—and a free drink—at the coolest spots. That’s why I was surprised he took me to one of those pay-by-the-pound Chinese buffets for our first date. To make matters worse, he started picking the bones out of his chicken on the way to the register to save a little on his meal. I knew then this wasn’t going to work. I hope he and the 14 cents he may have saved that night live happily ever after.”
—Jessica, Upper East Side
“I was super excited for my first date with a guy I’d been talking to for a while online. Everything was perfect: the drinks, the food, the conversation. Only one thing was off: No matter what I said, he kept looping it back to work. It felt like a job interview, but I wrote it off as basic first-date awkwardness. Then, at the end of the night, he flat-out asked me for a meeting with my boss. Next time try LinkedIn, dude, not OkCupid.”
—Claire, Bushwick
“A year after my divorce, I was ready to try dating. I met a guy online who seemed perfect: great job, just my type and also just getting back in the scene. On our third date, we went to a nice downtown bistro. It was cozy and romantic—until a piece of bread whizzed past my head. Turns out his ex-girlfriend had commandeered a table and was trying to start a (food) fight in the middle of the restaurant. Check, please!”
—Meredith, Upper East Side
“My first mistake: going out with my intern. I invite her to a show, we have some beers, and next thing I know, we’re back at her place going at it. After we do the deed, she lights a joint and immediately gets the spins, so she bolts to the bathroom and slams the door. About an hour later, she finally calls out from behind the door, ‘You need to go.’ Yes, work was awkward.”
—Maxwell, Bed-Stuy
“Whenever I would complain about my musician boyfriend, all my friends would
brush it off: ‘But he’s so talented.’ Yeah, but he also lived in the tiny control room of a rehearsal studio, and he was constantly smoking weed or cigarettes. Toward the end of our relationship, I finally quit smoking. Suddenly, I was able to recognize that he smelled like simmering garbage. That’s when I knew I had to quit
him next.”
—Starling, Astoria
“One night in college, I was out with a group when it became clear that one of the other ladies had gone from friendly to flirty. Drunk, we headed back to my room, which fit little more than a leaky air mattress. As we started getting into it, I heard a familiar hissing sound from the bed. Suddenly our romp went thump as we slipped off the deflated mattress and banged into the wall—again and again until my roommates started screaming for us to shut up. College…good times.”
–Ali, East Village