Every night, as we stare out at the evening sky from behind the barred windows of our tiny basement apartment, we wish upon a star that one of these beautiful things—from mythical subway line extensions to secret Times Square detours—might one day come to New York. Sure, that star is probably a delayed flight heading to our local third world airport and, sure, there’s not the slightest chance that any of these things will ever actually materialize. But still. A New Yorker can dream.
1. Build a tunnel under Times Square that only NYC residents can use.
2. Extend the 2 train to Jacob Riis Park. We love riding the waves all summer long at the People’s Beach at Riis Park, but we hate getting there. Those buses get way too crowded, and who wants to ride their bike after getting sunburned? Extend the 2 several miles down Flatbush Avenue, and make it the true People’s Beach.
3. Have an artisanal-coffee stand at every subway platform.
4. Install a zip line between North Williamsburg and the East Village.
5. Release a simple, vetted list of reliable brokers in the city.
6. Extend the G train to Astoria. The G treks through Brooklyn, but after Greenpoint, it makes only two stops in Queens. Rude! Keep that line going up Long Island City from Court Square all the way to ever-the-next-big-thing, Astoria.
7. Have all-night happy hours for neighborhood residents.
8. Create heated sidewalks.
9. Extend the Q train to East Harlem. Are we really complaining about the Second Avenue subway line months after it finally opened? You bet. Why the MTA stopped the tracks short of East Harlem is beyond us.
10. You know what? Just give everyone a free doughnut with their subway ride.
11. Establish actual crosstown bike lanes in Manhattan.
12. Require all bars to have coat hooks.
13. Unveil Uber-like boat taxis along the East River.
14. Extend the N train to LaGuardia Airport. Just imagine a world where you don’t have to lug your duffel bag from the subway to a bus or take an overpriced cab to make your flight. That piece of heaven could be yours if the N just took a bend eastward from its last stop in Astoria.
15. Add enforced express walking lanes in midtown.
16. Refund subway fares if someone’s train is delayed.
17. Require mandatory laundry rooms in every apartment building.
18. Clean up the Hudson River and install a man-made beach along the West Side.
19. Install free hand sanitizer dispensers at every intersection.
20. Finally provide subway stations that are truly, blissfully, air-conditioned.