Chef secrets...spilled!

Edited by Gabriella Gershenson

WARNING:Answers throughout may be influenced by jealousy, cronyism and self-promotion.

What is the city's best restaurant?

Per Se—which was also cited as one of the most overpriced and overrated (see below)—earned the most nods. But last year's winner, Daniel, hung on, coming in a close second. The runners-up included Jean Georges, Gramercy Tavern, Gotham Bar and Grill, Blue Hill, wd-50, the Momofukus, Otto and Cipriani (huh?). A sleeper: Nicky's Vietnamese Sandwiches.

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The city's worst?

While the sources of the animosity remain shrouded in chef whites (envy? dismissal? unrequited love?), the venom in this category flowed freely. Chefs railed against Aureole, the Rainbow Room ("Did I mention the Rainbow Room sucks?") and anything by Tom Colicchio ("It's not personal, just how I see it after dining at all of them"). Others to take a hit: Cafeteria, Walls, the Spotted Pig, Allen & Delancey and all NYC diners.

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What's the worst thing about New York restaurantgoers?

The biggest complaint from chefs is that New Yorkers are too discerning, too picky and too bitchy. Some put it politely: "They're very demanding, they really know what they want. They're really knowledgeable and have high expectations." Some cut to the chase and called you "elitist and high maintenance." One particularly pissed-off chef hates it when you order sauce on the side.

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What is the worst "best" restaurant you've eaten at?

Arrows flew all over the place, with no single target. "Bar Americain is pitiful, truly awful," vented one toque. "Fleur de Sel," replied another. "Funny thing is, we all had to ask for salt." Also pierced: Per Se, Rosa Mexicano, Dressler, Adour, Artisanal Bistro, wd-50, the Smoke Joint, Brasserie 8½, and Momofuku Noodle and Momofuku Ssm Bars.

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Do you frequent any chef hangs? Which ones?

The usual suspects haven't much changed: Blue Ribbon, The Spotted Pig and the Momofukus.

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NEXT: Are you doing more corner-cutting now because of the economy?

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Chef secrets...spilled! | Kitchen quintessential | How it works

Are you doing more corner-cutting now because of the economy?

More than half of our chefs are switching to lower-cost items ("using cheaper proteins that need more doctoring"), limiting menu items ("no more white truffles"), and trimming employees and overtime ("cutting staff, but never corners").

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What's the No. 1 reason a dish gets sent back to the kitchen?

"Because some asshole orders something medium-rare and they really want it medium; they are just too stupid to know the difference," spat one grudge-bearing toque. A whopping 57% agreed. "Also, just to get it straight, there is no temperature between rare and medium-rare."

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Which publication's reviews do you think are on the money?

Frank Bruni's New York Times reviews were considered "generally fair," although one chef reminded us that Bruni "has a strange relationship with Italian restaurants." Time Out New York "does a nice job that encapsulates the whole experience," and New York magazine got a shout-out too: "Adam Platt's okay."

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Which publication's reviews do you think are truly terrible?

"Restaurant Girl from the Daily News makes me want to stick a fork in my eye." Equally egregious were the Post—slammed for "not giving a chance to the little guys"—and New York: "Adam Platt can't write, and we're so sick of his wife's opinion shtick." Time Out New York, we heard, "sucks too."

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Name one ingredient in your kitchen you wouldn'twant to admit to using:

• Canned pumpkin
• Marshmallow Fluff
• Chopped meat from SYSCO instead of Pat LaFrieda
• "Sometimes I use gelatins in sorbets."
• Hellmann's mayo
• "I like Major Grey mango chutney better than my own."
• Canned chickpeas
• Red food coloring
• Ketchup

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Have you ever nailed a hostess (or other FOH staffer)? On the bar?

50% said YES to the sex
(and 69% of those horn dogs did it on the bar)
A chef writes in: "I was psyched about filling out the questionnaire until I got to the 'nailing the hostess' part. First of all, this question presumes the person completing the survey is a man, and second, it insinuates that the hostess is some kind of bimbette that can be pounded. (I don't see you asking if you've ever blown a busboy in the dish room.)"*
*Any chefs who have blown busboys in the dish room, please tell us about it

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NEXT: Name one restaurant that should have closed by now.

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Chef secrets...spilled! | Kitchen quintessential | How it works

Name one restaurant that should have closed by now:

Tavern on the Greenwas the most common answer, but Spice Market, Sushi Samba, Mesa Grill and "everything in Times Square" were also called out.

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What is your most embarrassing guilty-pleasure food?

• Big Mac
• Whopper
• Chicken wings
• Pop-Tarts
• Sun Chips
• "Cheap 80 pork buns in Chinatown coffeeshops."
• Hot dogs
• "Currently, it's ice-cream sandwiches on a daily basis."
• "Every frozen Mexican dish from Trader Joe's. That's why nobody can look in my freezer."

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Who is the next legitimately up-and-coming chef?

• Akhtar Nawab (Elettaria)
• Anne Burrell (former executive chef, Centro Vinoteca)
• Jerome Chang (DessertTruck)
• Jim Leiken (DB Bistro Moderne)
• Josh Eden (Shorty's .32)
• Justin Smillie (Smith's)
• Ryan Angulo (expected to soon open Buttermilk Channel)
• Seamus Mullen (Suba)
• Susur Lee (Toronto chef soon opening Shang in the Thompson Hotel)
• Tony Liu (Morandi)
• Wesley Genovart (Degustation)

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What do you do to get the last tables to leave?

Though most hedged that they don't want to rush the customers, they're not above some subtle hinting. They "turn up the lights," "drop the check," "turn off the music," "clear their table of everything," "start stacking chairs," or if all that fails, "sit with them."

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What is the most tired dish that's still on every menu in town?

Enough with the pork belly already and "anything sous vide. Let's call it what it is: bagged and boiled food." Runners-up: fried calamari, beet salads, tuna and last year's main pet peeve, molten chocolate cake.

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NEXT: What customer faux pas pisses you off most?

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Chef secrets...spilled! | Kitchen quintessential | How it works

What customer faux pas pisses you off most?

• "Saying they are allergic to something when they're not."
• "Adding ice cubes to $90 bottles of white wine."
• "Bad tipping and impatience if the restaurant is busy and slammed."
• "Allergic to garlic and onions."
• "When they're outside smoking when food comes out."
• "When you order a bottle of wine, you cannot send it back if you don't like it; you can only send it back if it's bad. Restaurants don't get refunded on bottles they don't like, only on corked ones."
• "When regulars think it is their place to make requests of what to put on the menu or how we should run our restaurant. You want to tell me how to run my restaurant, you better be throwing fucking cash at me, asshole. Lots of cash."

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How often do you dine out?

Two times a week was the average, with one honest responder admitting, "Dine out for a 'real' meal? About once a month. Just going out to eat (pizza, a sandwich...), about six times a week."

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What are the most unfair DOH regulations?*

• "Fruit flies—everyone has them."
• "The gloves thing. I use them all the time, but a fuckload of people don't know how to use them correctly or change them enough. I've seen people do some fucked-up things with gloves on—wipe their ass, grab their goodies, touch raw chicken and then go back to cooking/salad-tossing with the same gloves on."
• "Catching kitchen staff drinking water while on the job. I think every line cook should take a sip of water every five minutes."
• "You can't put a piece of fruit in a drink with your bare hands, but you can put the red stir sticks in a drink with your bare hands."
• "The point system isn't really weighted properly, and it's easy to fail for a combination of relatively harmless offenses."
• "My bald sous chef still needs to wear a hat."
• *To find what your favorite restaurants have been busted for, visit the Department of Health's site at nyc.gov.

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What is your most common DOH violation?

• "No gloves, no hats."
• "Roasted meats sitting out (while they rest)."
• "Mice."
• "They always find the one fridge that's at 41 degrees instead of 40."
• "Missing thermometer."
• "Wet rags—they see one and it's a violation."
• "For keeping stuff on the floor—we have no space!"
• "Can openers. They're the dirtiest things in most kitchens."

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NEXT: Name your favorite thing to eat.

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Chef secrets...spilled! | Kitchen quintessential | How it works

Name your favorite thing to eat:

Chefs were passionate about pizza, pork buns, burgers, "anything Korean," Spanish food, bacon, banh mi and foie gras. Oh, and then there's the one toque who answered, "Sandwiches and pussy. If someone could get me a pussy sandwich right now, I would be oh-so happy."

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Name a chef that should have gotten an award by now but hasn't:

• Fran Derby, former chef, Solex
• Alex Raij, former chef-owner, El Quinto Pino, Ta Pol
• "Me."
• Josh Capon, executive chef, Lure Fishbar
• Nils Norn, VP of culinary arts, French Culinary Institute
• Steven Zobel, executive chef, Triomphe
• Colin Alevras, chef-owner, the Tasting Room
• Justin Smillie, executive chef, Smith's.
• "Whoever rolls the grape leaves at Bereket."

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Name a chef that has too many awards:

David Chang was the most commonly called out (26%), followed by Mario Batali (10%), Tom Colicchio and Bobby Flay (both, 5%).

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How do you honestly rate the quality of the food you serve?

Not surprisingly, chefs think highly of their own creations, touting their dishes as "Fucking awesome," "top-notch for the staff I have" and "8.5 out of 10."

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Do you shill for your own restaurant on MenuPages or other online forums?

57% said no, but others were shamelessly self-promotional: "Who doesn't in some form or another? I'll have my sister or a family member hook us up."

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How often do you post comments on blogs and food-related message boards?

71% said never. However, a few chefs admitted to the occasional glance (and deep thought): "I do read them to watch the gradual decay of intelligence due to fingertip media access."

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Is there anything else you'd like to add?

"Tell people that just because they have access to the Internet and a piehole, that doesn't make them a food critic."

"If you can't tip 15 to 20 percent, don't go out to eat. Everyone is in a financial crisis, and I'm tired of listening to my servers complain."

"God bless the NY restaurant scene."

"Good cooking is a lot more than clever survey answers, hiring PR people and looking good for the camera. It takes an enormous amount of dedication, hard work and commitment, which is something most people reading Eater and watching Food TV fail to appreciate."

"Tell anyone who thinks that they want to open a restaurant that in fact they don't—trust me on this. But if they have a lot of money that they want to invest, I have a place for them in Brooklyn that could use a few bucks."

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NEXT in Kitchen report 2008: Kitchen quintessential

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Chef secrets...spilled! | Kitchen quintessential | How it works