12 things Singaporeans do better than anyone else

And we're not talking about the sun. Most of our local dishes have this star ingredient that'll make you sweat: chilli. There's chilli in about everything – chilli crab, sambal stingray, and even chicken rice where you have it on the side. And if your food's too bland for your taste, you'll find yourself reaching for the chilli sauce, chilli flakes or even requesting for chopped bird's eye chillies to spice it up. The takeaway is: if your tongue doesn't tingle, it's not spicy enough.

Through bad times and bad behaviour, one thing is constant – the memes. If you need a primer, memes are texts, images or videos that are humorous in nature. Whenever something is announced or a scandal erupts in Singapore, we don't take umbrage, we make memes. Who says Singaporeans don't have a sense of humour?

With a small foldable umbrella packed away in our bags, we're ready to weather any flash rains and extreme heat (yes, with the umbrella too). We may be good at complaining (see later point) but at least we're well prepared for whatever weather we're facing – from planning a sheltered route to our destination to being decked in Uniqlo's Airism garments. 

To chope a seat, one is required to use various items to reserve a table while purchasing food at the stall. This is usually practised in hawker centres where tables are filled on a first-come-first-serve basis. It's an unspoken agreement among locals that if you see a tissue packet on the table or seat, someone has already claimed that spot. Besides tissue packets, other miscellaneous items include name cards, umbrella, newspapers and magazines. 

We have one Olympic gold medallist – hello Joseph Schooling – but we’re the real champions: of complaining that is. Don’t like that your Grab driver dropped you off 50-metre from your destination? Why have a conversation when you can give your Grab driver a one-star rating, and call the hotline and demand compensation for emotional distress. Getting anything less than a full refund (and Grab credits) and you dare call yourself a Singaporean? Don’t ask, don’t get.

Or big tattletales. If World War III broke out, we might not be able to hold off the airstrikes but so long as we have Wi-Fi, our merry band of online CSI’s – did you think a Protection from Harassment Act would deter them? – will be digging up dirt on the person responsible. The same way they dealt with the 'Sovereign' lady, Amos Yee, and any clown going viral on social media for the wrong reason, they’ll be on the case to run them out of town – or at least till the fibre optic cables get cut.

From HDB to MRT, SIA and SES, BTO, we Singaporeans say so much with so little. We’re so creative, not only do we not spell things out, we can carve out multiple meanings from a single acronym. What? You didn’t know SMRT also means ‘Sometimes Must Ride Taxi’, PSI is ‘Please Stay Indoors’ and ERP is ‘Every Road Pay’. I mean, CB now means 'Circuit Breaker' instead of, you know.

Call it a hangover from the colonial years but Singaporeans are the only people (next to the British) happy to stand in line for whatever everyone else is queuing up for. We like it so much we’ve created a travelling gig economy out of it – when we could still travel, that is. According to Airfrov, you can get paid anywhere from $15 to stand in line for Lim Chee Guan bak kwa and bring it overseas. These days, we're still queuing up for McDonald's while maintaining a one-metre social distance from the next Big Mac lover.

What do you get when you combine kiasuism and an irrational fear when it comes to breaking the law? The unquenchable desire to break Guinness Book of World Records. According to a 2017 report by The Straits Times, we’re particularly keen on mass event records. We’ve done at least 30 since the 1980s and some of them are just naff: Largest Game of Musical Chairs (8,238) set by the Anglo Chinese School in 1989 – and here we thought you ACS boys were cool – Most People on a Trampoline (375) set in 2017, Most Number of People Wearing Balloon Hats (5,911) in 2014. Now let's say it together – what is the point of all this?

We have been speaking rojak from young, mangling a perfect sentence of English with Hokkien, Malay, Chinese, Tamil and some Singlish (of course) thrown in for a good measure. We even change the meanings of perfectly normal English words to mean something else here. How else will the uncles and aunties understand if you’re just speaking Queen’s English? Yes, it’s complex – and not low SES – that’s why we’re number one (see earlier). 

For a relatively small country, we have quite a huge community of 'influencers' ranging from micro-influencers that who do small shoutouts on their Instagram pages when brands send them freebies to mega influencer types who are involved with collaborations with the biggest brands and can even get a whole entire wedding sponsored. Dreams can come true if you're an influencer. 

History? Culture? Preservation? Look around you, does this look like a fishing village? Exactly. We’ve got supertrees, the world’s longest indoor waterfall, the only Formula One night race – though not this year – and more. We have no time for nostalgia, just to bemoan it when it’s dead, dying or on its way out. Similarly, we have no time for old buildings – or anything that predates the 1970s – how else are we all going to become overnight millionaires if not for an en-bloc sale?