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Here's 9 ways to cool off after midnight

By
Claire Finneran
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Did you know that it was summer and the air outside can get uncomfortably hot both in and outside our homes and places of work during this period? We're jumping in to the heatwave media frenzy here with yet another list of ways to combat this phenomena that happens every year and continues to get worse depending on your climate change leanings (hint: it does get worse).

Today we have been bestowed another restless evening of the heat refusing to subside through the night like a stubborn, steamy brat. It's going to remain over 30 degrees until well after midnight so we had a crack at what you can do in this somewhat restricted town of ours if you can't get to sleep.

Bill Gates beats the heat with the ice bucket challenge
Bill Gates after midnight

1. Break into the places on this list we prepared earlier. Doing the crime may lead to doing the time, but an hour of bliss in the Sydney Aquarium penguin's enclosure alone in the cool dark may be worth it. Aw, come orrn judge, slap on the wrist, it's not our fault the business hours are unreasonable.

2. Go for a swim at Redleaf. There are those of us who think this is a fine activity, refreshing even and then there are those of us who describe this harbour pool after 12am as "a putrid, oily cess-pool with too many screeching people hogging the pontoons, broken glass and a viscose texture akin to swimming in warmed Gak". Make up your own mind and take the plunge.

3. Pretend to be a student and sit in a University library until they make you leave. These are typically open 24 hours a day and have air con pumped to No-Doz replicating proportions. Cram for a non-existent exam on "Ayurvedic methods for cooling the body" 

4. Stage a solo, mini-protest against gambling in a pokies room. Make a cute (and light material) sign like "CasiNO-T in MY town" and have a nice little sit down in the middle of the air conditioned TAB or gaming floor of your choice.

5. Try some natural therapies, science or logic. Stop using the internet to whine and start using it to find. I'm no #lifehacker but I found information on using frozen or wet bed linen against a fan, applying sandalwood to your temples and how to meditate my mind into thinking it isn't hot in like 10 minutes.

6. Catch an uber to nowhere. Pretend you are still interested in catching Pokemon, put your headphones in and lie down in the back seat listen to ambient blizzard sounds. 

7. Pretend to be someone who works out and find a 24 hour gym. I haven't been to one of these personally, but surely there are cool alcoves to hide in away from what I presume is pockets of body heat and human stench?

8. Break up with your significant other. You have a better chance of getting some sleep if you are in a bed alone. Solo body heat versus tandem body heat is reasonable grounds for divorce.

9. Book a flight to another country real quick. Bon voyage.

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