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How to survive a zombie apocalypse (from someone who failed)

Doof zombie man covered in blood
Photograph: Zedtown

In case you missed it, there was a zombie apocalypse on Saturday. It was brutal. Approximately 1,000 survivors fled the inner city and travelled to Sydney Showgrounds – the official Quarantine Zone for those in the know. Sadly, even with advanced weaponry skills and fully loaded Nerf guns, it wasn’t safe in the Quarantine Zone. Only five people lived to tell the tale – and I’m not one of them.

If you’re reading this, you’ve still got time. Prepare yourself for the next outbreak by foraging for Nerf darts and washing your activewear; Zedtown will be back and you’ll want to be prepared.

1. Pack wisely

When we pictured the total meltdown of humanity, confined to a pocket of Sydney Olympic Park, I guess we imagined fire, ice and probably Charlize Theron. We were wrong. What you need in the event of a zombie apocalypse is a Nerf gun. If your Nerf blaster can’t pump out ten foam bullets at the speed of light, consider yourself high risk. Think twice about leaving the base; you won’t last long. We were woefully underprepared.

 

 

 

Stock up on ammo
Photograph: Zedtown

 

 

 

 

 

2. Trust no one

OZs are easy to spot: open wounds, bloodied clothing, appetite for human brains. When you see one you’ve got time to run, hide or lock and load. But when the world has fallen it’s other survivors who are your main risk – and undercover zombies (not everyone who is infected with the ZTX virus has to declare it). This was our mistake. We trusted too many human-like faces and paid the price.

 

Person in dinosaur costume

 

Like we said – trust no one!
Photograph: Zedtown

 

 

3. Start taking the stairs

When faced with a bloodied OZ (original zombie) or a horde of panicked survivors darting around like startled sheep, there’s a lot of running. And there’s a lot of bullet dodging. If we had our time again we’d take bootcamp more seriously. Even the undead work up a sweat.

 

 

Women holding Nerf guns

 

Sunnies are excellent Nerf dart protection
Photograph: Zedtown

 

 

 

 

 

4. Charge your mobile phone

Luckily, even when the world has collapsed, there’ll be real-time updates via a mobile app. Don’t think about it too much. It’s fun to keep track of how many survivors are still in the game. By the time I was tagged (read: ambushed), there were 180 zombies on the loose. One hour later that number had doubled. The app is also handy for real-time clues and a deadly radio station that streams MJ’s ‘Thriller’, as well as other music to munch brains too.

5. Beware of the Witch

AKA patient zero. AKA freaky fingernails. If you see her: run.

 

Woman dressed as the Witch (zombie)

 

The Witch
Photograph: Zedtown

 

 

6. Form a friendly society

At the Quarantine Zone, survivors are divided into three Factions. These are your communities, your lifeline. Naturally you’ll want to keep your community alive by finding fuel, defending your den and shooting Nerf bullets at sneaky raccoons from other Factions. This will not keep you alive. Our advice is to make friends, you’ll need them later down the line.

 

 

 

 

Find your people in the chaos. Lab coats help
Photograph: Zedtown

 

 

 

 

 

7. Don’t give up (or do!)

If you really want to make it to the end of the game apocalypse, which has a handy time limit of four hours, then you can’t stop moving. Stay vigilant. Bring snacks. Conserve your energy. If you kinda don’t mind whether you survive, good news! It’s seriously fun being dead. Once you’ve transformed into a zombie (with expert help from professional make-up artists) you can go collecting dog tags from your old pals in the Faction. Unless you want to be an ‘ethical eater’, in which case, hunt down only foes.

But don’t listen to me. After all, I’m already dead.

We’ll publish details for the next Zedtown when the dates have been announced. For now, check out the best things to do this weekend.

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