Kuah Jenhan answers KL's problems

Each month, we ask a personality in our city to address KLites’ issues. This month, we have stand-up comedian and cat lover, Kuah Jenhan.

Dear Jenhan,
What do I order in a café without looking like a trend-hopping idiot?
Nadirah, Shah Alam

Hello Nadirah. The moment I realise you spelt ‘café’ with a diacritic, or more commonly known as an accent, I knew you were a no-nonsense, realer than real, black-as-soul coffee person. Respect. My advice is never order anything you cannot pronounce (have to try to pronounce), and things that have extra adjectives like ‘soy’, ‘organic’, ‘free-trade’, ‘handpicked’, ‘not slave-picked’ or ‘from the purest of mountains’. Maybe try an Iced Americano, basically it’s a kópî-ö-Ícę tàk máü gûlå (sorry, I’m not very good with diacritics).

Dear Jenhan,
How do I get people to call me ‘babe’? Or to NOT call me ‘babe’?
Mel, Subang

Are you a Melvin or a Melissa? That’s important. But anyway, here are a few ways you can be called ‘babe’: be born in the ’80s, work in advertising, be friend-zoned (by a Melissa), be the emotional girl in your girl group so the rest can tell you ‘OMG, it’s going to be okay, babe!!’ (sorry, Melvin), or be an actual babe (you can do this, Melvin). To NOT be called a babe, be born in the ’00s (bae!!), be a Melvin (sorry, it’s just not a babe name). Actually, what do you really want, Melvin/Melissa? Are you weighing your options? You can’t be this indecisive, babe/not a babe.

Dear Jenhan,
I’m always late for work. What excuses should I give my boss?
Chung Kit, Klang

Why are you always late for work? Are you having problems at home? Because you obviously now have problems at work. I mean, your boss is probably already considering letting you go. It’s going to happen sooner or later. The later you show up, the sooner he’s going to decide. Okay, that might be too harsh; after all, I don’t know your story. But wait, for real, are you okay? Are you taking too long to decide what to order at a café? Are you uncomfortable that your colleagues are calling you ‘babe’? OMG, it’s going to be okay, babe!! And just get the kópî-ö-Ícę tàk máü gûlå!!!

Need answers? Write in to editor[at]timeoutkl.com with the subject 'I've got a problem...'