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Judging by all the dazzling Christmas light displays, sparkling ice rinks and the amount of empty mince pie boxes in our office, Christmas has come early. With so much on offer, we’ve rounded up the best Christmassy events guaranteed to have all you Scrooges out there merry on mulled wine by the end of the week.
The South Pole Saloon at Brixton Rooftop
The Singing Tree
The artist behind this digital installation, Es Devlin, has worked on sculptures for Beyoncé, Kanye and Adele, so it’s bound to have star quality (sorry). You can even add your words (festive-only, please) to the tree in person or online. V&A. Until Jan 6. Free.
Christmess
Christmas is cancelled and Santa and his mischievous rebel elves are inviting you lot to let your hair down at debauched dinner parties bursting with sequins and surprise cabaret performances. This weekend you can also try your hand at beeswax candle-making, DIY beauty workshops and join a storytelling session (if you aren’t too busy dancing your stockings off on the table). The Imaginarium Hunter Penrose. Wed Nov 29-Fri Dec 22. From £55.
The Mean Girls’ Talent Show
It may not be October third, but there’s always time for a ‘Mean Girls’ talent show. If you have a secret talent – singing, poetry, eyebrow dancing, the caterpillar – you are invited to strut your stuff in front of the drag-plastics of Shoreditch (aka The Nightbus, Sue Gives a Fuk, Just May and a mystery guest) to be in with the chance of winning a £100 bar tab. Sounds pretty grool to us, and we don’t even go here. Hoxton Square Bar & Kitchen. Thu Nov 30. £5. To perform, email jenna@mothershipgroup.com.
South Pole Saloon
Wave goodbye to Brixton Beach and say hello to this intriguing festive Western-style bar, which has taken over Brixton Rooftop for winter. Snuggle up in fairy-lit woodland lodges and watch interactive theatre and burlesque shows. Cheese fans can tuck into a fromage-filled feast from today courtesy of yours truly. Brixton Rooftop. Thu Nov 30-Dec 30. Various prices.
Neverland on Wandsworth Bridge Road
Spirit of Christmas Fair
It’s entirely possible to tick off your Christmas shopping list in one go at this massive festive shopping extravaganza featuring more than 800 stalls bursting with gift ideas from unique teas to the finest caviar. If all that browsing has left you a little stressed, indulge in some colouring therapy at the Christmas Colouring Wall. Olympia London. Thu Nov 30-Tue Dec 5. £19.50.
Winterland
If you haven’t sat in an igloo this Christmas, what have you been doing? Don’t get FOMO, get festive at Fulham’s pretty riverside igloos, complete with curling, mini-golf and ping pong. Plus, it’s BYOB on Thursdays and Fridays. Neverland London, Wandsworth Bridge Rd, Thu Nov 30-Dec 22. £5.
Christmess at The Imaginarium
Greenwich Winter Time Festival
Glide (or wobble) your way around this pretty covered ice rink in the grounds of Greenwich’s Royal Navy College before warming your hands around an obligatory mulled wine (or three). There are also design stalls, DJs and a silent disco to keep you entertained. Old Royal Naval College. Fri Dec 1-Dec 31. £15/£12 when you book through Time Out.
Christmas with the Stuarts
Go back to an age before smartphones and HD TV, when people had no choice but to make smalltalk with their relatives over Christmas dinner. It’s Stuart times at Ham House: Charles II is holding court and this stately home has been decked out with festive greenery and seasonal treats for you to enjoy. Ham House and Garden. Sat Dec 2-Dec 15. Free with usual admission.
Sail with Santa
Guess what? Santa’s swapped the sleigh for a boat this year. Hop aboard this grotto on the Thames with City Cruises. Little ones will leave with an early present from the man of the moment, while adults can enjoy a mince pie, mulled wine or soft drink on the journey. Tower Millennium Pier. Sat Dec 2-Dec 23. £28/£26 child.
Christmas Market at the Farm
Market stalls, family fun, live music and food are waiting down on the farm this weekend for anyone who fancies adding a bit of local flavour to their Christmas table. Oasis Farm Waterloo. Sat Dec 2. £1 suggested donation.
Santa Dash
The Garmhaus Christmas Pop-up Vintage Market
This Leeds import is ready to clothe London’s fashion-forward crowd in the finest vintage apparel. Accompanying your shop will be live music, festive food and enough mulled wine to see you through to Christmas. Hoxton Square Bar & Kitchen. Sun Dec 3. Free.
Bust Christmas Craftacular
Ditch Clintons this year and try your hand at Christmas card-making with Collage Club, or create eye-catching boob baubles for your tree with CoppaFeel at this festive fair hosted by feminist mag Bust. York Hall. Sun Dec 3. £3.
Santa Dash
Are you a rebel without a Claus? Meet hundreds of others just like you, as you dash around Clapham to raise money for seriously ill children spending Christmas at Great Ormond Street Hospital. A Santa suit is included on registering. Clapham Common. Sun Dec 3. £25 registration.
Magic Lantern Festival
Magic Lantern Festival
This annual lights spectacular, based on a traditional Chinese festival, floats back to Chiswick House and Gardens for a third year, filling it with a festive glow. Chiswick House and Gardens. Until Jan 1. £18, £12 child. Get discounted tickets when you book through Time Out.
Massive Arts Christmas Fayre
Do your Christmas shopping away from the aggro of central London at this crafty market packed with clothing, jewellery, paintings, homewares and illustrations. Ritzy Cinema Brixton. Sat Dec 2. Free.
Not got seasonal fatigue yet? Find more fabulously festive events to fill your winter.