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Seven signs you’re addicted to black coffee

Kelly Prince-Wright

In London, a good cup of tea has more power over the people than the Royal Family and Parliament combined. But there's a gang of us who much prefer a steaming hot cup of pure coffee goodness. Here are seven signs you’re a Londoner who only has the hots for black coffee.

Your high levels of irritability on the tube


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You’ve had at least two cups of the good stuff before leaving your flat. Laws of caffeine say that you should be in a good mood at this point, but if you’re on the Jubilee line you've got no time for tourists who get in your way or worse, anyone who blocks up the escalator. Out. Of. The. Way.

You know the agony of waiting for it to cool


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Those smug latte drinkers can gulp instantly. Black coffee drinkers have a more dedicated approach. Lid off, let it cool, tentatively sip, and wait again until it’s just right. More patience than the Queen’s Guard at Buckingham Palace.

You believe food has become unnecessary


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A cup or seven of black coffee a day is a balanced diet, no? Well, you’ll happily queue 20 minutes for a perfectly crafted cuppa at Monmouth, but wouldn’t dream of waiting five minutes for a table for dinner.

You haven't got time for afternoon tea


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Is it frowned-upon to bring a takeaway black coffee to afternoon tea at The Langham? Asking for a friend.

You despair when all that’s left in the office are the granules

None of this instant coffee business. We need a real coffee pot, with filters and beans. 

You expect everyone else's orders to take much longer than yours


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This always happens when you're rushing to a meeting. You have the simplest order. Why must you wait for everyone’s mocha-whip-coconut frappuccino to be made first? Why?

You sometimes support the enemy 


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Okay, you won’t drink it. But you without a doubt consistently steal your friend’s Allpress cappuccinos for excellent Instagram photos. Guilty as charged. 

Need another caffeine fix? Check out London’s best cafés and coffee shops.

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