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‘Top Coppers’: meet Detectives John Mahogany and Mitch Rust

It’d be a crime to miss BBC Three’s new goofy spoof police show ‘Top Coppers’ – it’s gloriously silly. We speak to the two star rozzers

Written by
Ben Williams
John Mahogany

John Mahogany

Age 27
Height 6'3"/190cm
Police rank Detective

How long have you been policing?
‘Some say policing starts when you earn your badge. Not the Mahoganys – we’re born into the blue. I first knew I had copper in my blood way back in class 3C when I caught Joey McVarley with his hand in the cookie jar. He knew not to come near me again after that. Or any of the other kids. They knew not to come round and play. Even when I asked them to, they knew.’

What’s the biggest case you’ve cracked?
‘The time I singlehandedly took out an entire Mexican drug cartel. Literally singlehandedly – with one hand behind my back. It’s since become legend, people calling it “the case of the extreme bravery in the remote location with no witnesses”. But the important thing is that it definitely happened.’

Which unsolvable case frustrates you the most?
‘When a huge amount of unmarked banknotes went missing from the evidence room.’

What do you think is your biggest strength?
‘It’s hard to pin it down to one thing. I’d probably say a combination of my courage, my razor-sharp mental agility and my dad’s reputation as a hero cop.’

And your biggest weakness?
‘Probably being too brave.’

What do you enjoy most about policing?
‘The smell of crime, the grittiness of the streets, that moment when you apprehend someone then realise they weren’t the suspect you were chasing so you let them go as they did nothing wrong. After that, I would have to say the women. I don’t know any, but I’ve heard the other guys talking about them and they sound pretty great.’

And what’s the worst thing about copping?
‘Everyone going on about how great a cop my dad was and not noticing my outstanding police work.’

How do you feel working with your partner, Rust?
‘Let’s just say, for eight hours a night and two to three hours every afternoon, the city is a safer place.’

Mitch Rust

Mitch Rust

Age 27
Height About four-and-a-half boxes
Police rank ‘Detective, probably’

And how long have you been a cop?
‘Dunno. I have a five-year black spot. All I remember is that I wasn’t one, then one day I was. So I just carried on.’

Biggest case you’ve cracked?

Any cases you haven’t been able to solve?
‘Where I left those crisps last Thursday.’

What’s your biggest strength as a cop?

And your weakness?
‘Mahogany banging on about being brave all the time.’

What do you enjoy most about policing?
‘When unmarked banknotes are left in the evidence room.’

And what’s the worst thing about copping?
‘Police work.’

What you think of your partner, Mahogany?
‘His dad was really good.’

‘Top Coppers’ starts 10pm, Wed Aug 19, BBC Three.

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