Forget the designated driver, people, there’s no point taking your motor to the pub. The government has announced that when pubs in the UK are able to reopen on April 12, their car parks can be reclassified as ‘terraces’. (The Continental sort, not the football sort, although the preponderance of Reebok Classics and Sergio Tacchini trackies might suggest otherwise). Okay, so that sounds a bit bleak, but it’s actually brilliant, as boozers without beer gardens will now be able to potentially offer some outdoor space to punters, which could be a vital financial lifeline for an extremely vulnerable industry.
From April 12, outdoor drinking will be allowed again in the UK, as will takeaway pints (note to users of London Fields: if the bin is FULL, putting your plastic pint glass NEAR it is not the same as putting it IN it). Beer gardens can reopen, and there are plans to make it easier for pubs to apply for pavement licences (such as cafés with outdoor tables have).
The whole car park deal won’t affect that many central London pubs, but once you get into suburbia or even – gasp – the countryside, having all that extra space (and all those fewer cars) will be a positive boon. Plus, if you’re an idiot, there are handy white lines already painted on the ground to show you how to socially distance.
It’ll also make a nice change from inn-adjacent car parks only serving as the stage for tearful break-ups, illicit bunk-ups, crafty urination and fights.
‘Leave it, [insert name of BF/GF/spouse/dog/parent], he’s not worth it!’