Three ways to do Notting Hill Carnival

Eat Patties, of course. Jamaica’s superior, fiery equivalent to the Cornish pasty is perfect for shoving in the mouth of a whining child.

Pee Try your luck with Westminster Council’s temporary loos, which can be found at 13 different locations. Take our map (p22) with you.

Party There’s always a kid-friendly Disneyland-if-it-was-run-by-The-Clash theme down at ska central, Gaz’s Rockin’ Blues. Bring ear defenders for your little ones as things can get pretty loud.

Eat Food? Absolute lol. The closest you will come to a square meal is when you suck overproof rum off a stick of sugar cane.

Pee The raver has no time for lengthy loo queues. The raver will pay top dollar (£5) to make use of
a savvy local’s bathroom.

Party The rowdiest of all the soundsystems: Rampage.

Eat You’re in no rush, so get yourself a full Caribbean spread – jerk chicken, goat curry, ackee and saltfish and a Guinness punch.

Pee Treat yourself and pop into a pub on the route, which will probably cost you about £2.
Worth it, TBH.

Party Check out the parade at a quiet spot by the canal on Kensal Road away from the soundsystems. Then there’s nothing more laidback than the old-school dub at Aba Shanti-I, which is situated in the less busy outskirts of the main Carnival drag.