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Let Us Sex-plain: I found my boyfriend’s OKCupid profile

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York

Illustration: Alex Citrin

I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

I dated my ex for about six years, and we broke up two years ago. I made a promise to her that we would get back together, but I can’t stand her anxiety and depression. I don’t want her anymore, but I call her for hookups. Part of me loves her, but part of me can’t stand her mental-health issues. What should I do?

—Enrique, Brooklyn

Hey, Enrique: You’re a fucking asshole! Where do I start? For two years, you’ve been stringing along a woman you don’t plan on committing to, and you admit you actively use her for her body. You say she has mental-health issues, and yes, that would be difficult for any committed partner, but if you loved this woman you’d be there, supporting her through her illness and encouraging her to seek help. Break up with her, and leave her the hell alone; she’s much better off without your pathetic excuse for partnership.

I met my boyfriend of three years (we live together) on OkCupid, and I recently logged in to see if he is still using it. Turns out, he is—and his profile picture is one we took together, with me cropped out. When I confronted him, he cried and said he had just gone on there to check out girls when we were having a rough patch, and he showed me he hadn’t sent any messages. Should I say goodbye or let this go?

—Tawny, Upper West Side

Damn, what an awful discovery. This is a tough situation: Your boyfriend broke your trust, but he didn’t actually cheat on you (if he is to be believed). Then there’s your obvious distrust of him, as you’re snooping around to try to catch him in the act. Whether things are better between the two of you since your “rough patch” or not, your relationship has some serious foundational issues. First, have an open conversation about where each of you stands as far as your commitment to the relationship. If you’re both truly in this, you should go to couples counseling to see if you can repair and rebuild. If not, it’s time to move on.

Is it normal for guys to experience early ejaculation during their first times?

—Anand, Upper West Side

Totally. Through a Twitter poll, my internet friends with penises told me that the majority of them came within five minutes—if not almost immediately—though some didn’t come at all! And several friends told me they (or their partners) could hardly get through a few thrusts before it was all over. So if this happened to you, don’t worry or be embarrassed. You’re normal, practice makes perfect, and sex will get better. And did you know sex only lasts five to seven minutes on average? If those songs about lasting “all night long” built up false expectations in your mind, relax.

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Read previous weeks’ sex columns

Let us sex-plain

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York. Read them all here.

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By: Jillian Anthony

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