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Let Us Sex-plain: My guy doesn’t last as long as I want him to

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York

Illustration: Assa Ariyoshi

I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

The guy I’ve been committed to continuously seeks other girls’ attention. He spends time grabbing coffee with them, chatting with them throughout the day and calling them to talk at all hours of the night. I consider this dating, but he claims to be just friends with them. Am I being jealous and insecure, or does he not understand what being committed to one person means?

Trish, Upper East Side

I don’t have his side of the story to compare notes with, and I do in fact grab coffee, text and call my platonic male friends. Have you met any of these women? If you’re his girlfriend and someone he’s loud and proud to be with, and they’re his close friends, he should have introduced you to them by now. But if he’s really being this brazen about trying to hook up with girls, and you can’t tell the difference between that and genuine friendship, there’s a chance you may be the one who’s delusional about this relationship.

I’m 21, and I’m dating this guy who is 30 years old. He has a job and his life together, and I’m still spoiled by my parents. Is it weird to continue dating him?

Sam, Manhattan

Do you genuinely enjoy spending time with him? Are you both treating each other with respect and speaking honestly about what you may or may not expect from the relationship? Do you have at least one thing in common, like, say, good sex? Then go for it! You’ll eventually decide whether you want to continue seeing this man, but age doesn’t need to be an instant deal breaker. And, hey, enjoy being spoiled by your parents while it lasts.

I’ve been dating a guy since the beginning of the year. He’s amazing and an actual gentleman! But we just recently had sex for the first time, and he did not last very long at all. We’ve tried several times, and whether it’s sex, oral or a hand job, he always finishes quickly. I am a very sexual woman, and the fact that he can’t satisfy me is a deal breaker. Should I find a way to make this work because he really is a good guy?

J, Tribeca

J, don’t give up so easily! Good men are hard to find, and there are many avenues to explore here. Your partner can try edging, which is when men stop to relax just before orgasming and then continue (practice while masturbating, guys!). He can also squeeze right below the head of his penis, with pressure on the underside along the urethra (that bulging line), when he’s close to coming,  to bring the heat down a bit. Or try a desensitizing sex spray that calms down sensation levels. He should make Kegel exercises (proven to help men last longer) part of his daily routine. And, if all else fails, see a doctor or sex therapist.

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Read previous weeks’ sex columns

Let us sex-plain

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York. Read them all here.

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By: Jillian Anthony

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