Let Us Sex-plain: Can I ask my wife to shave down there?

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York
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Illustration: Marina Esmeraldo

I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

How can I ask my wife to shave down there without looking like a jerk?

—Brad, Williamsburg

Brad, you’re in danger, girl. Personal grooming is ultimately a personal choice, so approach this situation carefully—and armed with knowledge. Take some time to assess why you want your wife to shave. Is unruly hair getting in the way of you enjoying certain sex acts? Okay, sure, that’s a reasonable discussion to have. Do you simply prefer the shaved look? Could the reason be because that’s what you’re used to seeing in porn? It’s good to keep in mind that women, from the day they are born, are under extreme pressure to be practically hairless everywhere except their head. This comes from unrealistic beauty standards, the beauty industry and, yes, the porn industry. So maybe your wife has actively decided not to chop her natural bush, or not to spend the $60-plus on a bikini wax every month, or maybe she has shaved before and hates the ugly, itchy bumps that come when hair starts to grow back. (There’s a lot going on there, okay?) Perhaps she doesn’t share any of these thoughts and would be totally open to your suggestion! It’s fine to say to her, “I’d like it if you shaved sometime, and I was wondering if you’d be open to that,” and maybe even suggest shaving her yourself and making it a sexy activity—as long as you understand, it’s her choice in the end.

I am not sure if my girlfriend is telling me the truth when she says she reached her orgasm. Sometimes she tells me she came but she wants to continue. Other times, as soon as she reaches climax she does not want me to touch her and falls asleep. Is she sometimes lying to me just to not hurt my feelings? How can I tell?

—Eduardo, Bronx

Sorry, but you’ll never be able to tell. The truth is, every orgasm is its own boundless creature that creates unique feelings in a woman and causes unique reactions. Sometimes she might come once then want to immediately come five more times; sometimes she’ll be too sensitive for you to keep going; and sometimes she’ll want to pass out with pleasure (because that’s just how good you are). Instead of bringing in a lie detector test to validate your girlfriend’s climax, keep asking her to show you how she likes to be touched, what feels good and what else she’d like to try. That’s how you’ll know for sure you’re good in bed.

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Let us sex-plain

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York