59 things you'll never hear a true Tel Avivian say

Tourists, sure. Olim, maybe. But you'll never hear true Tel Avivians utter these words

By Jennifer Greenberg |
  1. It's fine, I've got Google Maps.


  1. I'll just wait my turn.


  1. Thank God for public transportation.


  1. Shit, I'm early.


  1. Can I have a napkin, please?


  1. Please.


  1. Hey look! It's the Great Synagogue!


  1. Weed? In public?


  1. That waiter deserved every shekel of that 10% tip.


  1. I'm so sick of Bamba.


  1. Man, I really hope Bibi gets reelected.


  1. Let's grab a quick dinner at Port Said.


  1. I love hanging out on Rothschild Boulevard with all the locals.


  1. Benedict!? But it's three in the morning!


  1. This burger sucks. Let's go to McDonald's.


  1. I'm saving up for a hoverboard.


  1. Money's kinda tight right now, so let's just eat at Taizu or something.


  1. Why take the bus when you can take the car?


  1. Cash only? That's cool.


  1. Gal Gadot is Israeli?


  1. Veganism is so last summer.


  1. Summer is so overrated.


  1. Arak? Ew, gross.


  1. Midburn is a little too 'PG' for my liking.


  1. Jerusalem is way cooler.


  1. Snow, again?


  1. This city is so fucking boring. There's never anything to do here.


  1. Eyal Shani? Who's that?


  1. I'm so glad they tore down the Dizengoff fountain. It really made getting around so much easier.


  1. There will definitely be street parking.


  1. Don't forget your helmet!


  1. Everyone here is so ugly.


  1. Who the hell runs anymore?


  1. I know a super cool bar, it's called Mike's Place.


  1. I know a super cool club, it's called Clara.


  1. Pest free since '93!


  1. I can't find fresh produce anywhere.


  1. Beards are so out of style.


  1. Florentin is lame.


  1. What's with all the graffiti? Haven't they heard of sketchbooks?


  1. It's so inspiring to see all these birthright groups here.


  1. The middle of the Shuk, now that's where all the cool kids hang.


  1. No need to lock my bike.


  1. You want cheap groceries? Head to Tiv Tam.


  1. I've been sober for 3 weeks now.


  1. Oh, how I love the bank!


  1. I've never gotten lost inside Dizengoff Center.


  1. I'm really not much of a tahina person.


  1. Misrad Hapnim is like Disney Land, but better.


  1. Fauda? Never heard of it.


  1. Have you got any kosher options?


  1. Wow, I miss pork.


  1. I hate the beach.


  1. Rent here is dirt cheap.


  1. Can I have a cafe v'mafe please?


  1. Do you sell pre-rolled cigarettes?


  1. Mmmm, kiosk wine.


  1. There's something about the taste of Tubi that keeps me going back for more.


  1. I hate Tel Aviv.

Check out 14 phrases you could say to a Tel Avivian today that would make no sense in 1909