Just over a hundred years ago, Victorian plumber Thomas Crapper (real name) invented the modern-day toilet. Known for the great quality of his products – the royals adored him – he and his company Crapper & Co not only gave Londoners fabulous pissers, they also gave this glorious city many firsts, including the world’s first bath, toilet and sink showroom on the King’s Road. Fancy. So what better way is there to salute Crapper and his loo-loving posse than by visiting one of London’s finest WCs? From a pee with a view to swanky spaceship shitters in Mayfair, here’s where to plant your fabulous tush in style.
Crazy Bear, Fitzrovia
Two words: mega bling. The toilets in this very fine and posh hotel are kitted out with mirrored walls that not only dazzle but also allow plenty of ops for selfies.
These spaceship pods are all over Instagram. Why, you ask? Well, just look at them! Hashtags for days. If you’ve never been to this posh Mayfair establishment, you’re in for a real treat. Incredible vintage and art deco-style rooms await you (and your phone), along with the futuristic toilets where birdsong calms you while you relieve yourself. Lovely.
The Bonneville, Hackney
These toilets have come straight from the pits of hell. Expect animal skulls, a horrifying dungeon-like tunnel, an old prison-cell door that hails from Clerkenwell clink and a possible Jack the Ripper cameo. If you survive, you’ll leave asking yourself: Was that wazz really worth the therapy I’m about to fork out for?
Aqua Shard, London Bridge
Have a pee (and a poo if you’re feeling adventurous) with a stupendous view. Ascend 31 floors up The Shard and you’ll find the Aqua restaurant, a glass palace that houses what could very well be the finest urinals with a view in the land. Don’t worry, ladies, your loos also come with stunning #cityscapes too.
This one really is a hall of mirrors. While the place is the very definition of extravagant, the toilets in this maze of a room confuse all who enter it – so much so that the owners had to put up signs directing lavatory-users back to the restaurant. Yes, really.
City Social, City of London
Have another dazzling pee with a view, this time with a different perspective. Housed in the ginormous Tower 42, City Social (purveyor of fine cocktails) allows men and women to unzip, release and ahhhh over the capital’s buzzing financial district. What a wonderful way to piss on all those bankers, eh?
Maggie’s Club, Chelsea
This ’80s-themed club is weird. Why? Well, if you’re a bloke, you’ll hear the Iron Lady’s most famous speeches on loop as you attend to your mini-you. Both hilarious and disturbing.
The Hunter S, Dalston
These pissers offer you (if you’re a guy) the chance to relieve yourself between the red, Botoxed lips of a lady’s open and shiny mouth. Whatever will you come up with next, Dalston?
Know any more lol-able loos? Let us know in the comments!