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In years to come, what will be the symbol of the nightmare of 2020? The face mask? People clapping in windows? That spiky ball thing that represents you know what? Nope. It will definitely be the humble toilet roll. In our new prison economy, there’s only one currency that matters: bog roll. We were prepared by reports from other countries of panic buying. Then we saw tabloid hatred-encouragement with phone snaps of people stuffing 72 precious rolls into their cars. But we chose not to believe. Then, one day, London popped to the shop and found… bare shelves. Notes warned us off: ‘No hand sanitiser, no toilet paper’. It was end times for arses.
Things have got a bit better, but no one will ever look at a four-pack the same way again. Now there’s a canny cash-in (in a good way) on our collective anxiety about being caught short. Serious Tissues is an initiative from the people behind social enterprise Change Please, which helps train up homeless people as baristas, offering them a way into employment and stability. You order 36 rolls of recycled loo paper for £24 (or premium stuff for £28, if you have a delicate posterior). It’s delivered for free, and all the profits go to fund food and wellbeing kits for NHS frontline staff.
Serious Tissues actually predates the crisis, having been set up to try and stop the felling of 10 million trees a year just to make loo roll. Its product is recycled from paper collected from homes and offices. Now it’s dedicating its campaign to support the NHS Charities Together appeal.
So, do your bum a favour and reassure it that when the shit went down, it did its bit.
Buy Serious Tissues from its website.
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