Picture this: it's 2026, and you're zooming through the city from the southern end of the CBD up to Parkville in the underground Metro Tunnel. Pulling up at your station, the announcement chimes: "We are now approaching Station McStationface Station".
Whether this scenario sounds like your dream or your nightmare, it will only ever be a fantasy. In an announcement yesterday, Victorian premier Daniel Andrews ruled out ol' Station McStationface on a Facebook post, asking Victorians to think of something "more original". And let's be real – it's unlikely that this joke will stand the test of time for generations of Melburnians to come.
Aside from this exception, Metro Tunnel are giving Victorians the chance to suggest station names for the five stations that will make up the new network. The guidelines are pretty straightforward: names have to be no longer than three words or 25 characters in total (with the exception of Aboriginal language names). If you're suggesting a person, then they should have a connection with that location and be "held in high regard by the community". Other suggestions could be looked upon favourably if they "reflect the history of the local area". The website also says that Victorians are permitted to suggest keeping the existing names of the stations, but where's the fun in that?
You can enter your name suggestions on the website; submissions close Sunday October 22. If your name is chosen, then you'll be given an exclusive behind-the-scenes tour of the Metro Tunnel works, plus the eternal glory of making a permanent mark on Melbourne.
If you're looking for suggestions, then we recommend having a think about well-known Melburnians that have inspired you – or the names of groups of people or placenames used by the traditional owners of this land. Currently, there is a petition to name the new stations after the five clans of the Kulin Nation.
For inspiration, check out some of the design images for the five stations, like this one below for 'CBD South' station.