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Daniel Boud

The chai latte is officially dead, plus other mildly surprising stats on Melbourne’s coffee scene

Written by
Rose Johnstone

There’s a unique joy in learning where your daily habits fit in with the rest of the population. Depending on your personality type, finding out that you slot nicely within a majority can be as comforting as your 8pm cup of warm milk; for others, it could herald the beginning of a serious identity crisis.

Mobile point-of-sale company Square has surveyed the millions of coffees sold across the country over the last 12 months, unearthing some stats on our drinking habits.

Here’s what we’ve taken from the breakdown of our beverage choices:

Total cups of coffee sold in Victoria

The chai latte is officially dead
There was a time (around 2010) when drinking foamy cups of sugary, powered spice was considered left-field and exotic. Those days are gone – and only those who drink the real stuff deserve any respect for their choices.

If you drink tea in cafés, you are the one (point six) percent
Unless you’re presented with rare, fragrant leaves in an ancient Chinese pot, or whiling the day away in a beautiful tea room, paying an obscenely inflated price for a tea bag and some water is simply bad financial management.

At least ten per cent of the population may or may not be psychopaths
We admit it: we’re reaching here – but (tenuous) studies have shown that those who drink black coffee may also have a propensity to keep locks of hair under their pillow.

Most popular coffee beverages by state

Cappuccino is the most popular coffee in New South Wales and Tasmania
Cappuccinos consist of 1/3 coffee, 1/3 foam, 1/3 milk, and 1/3 madness. That’s some solid maths, right there. While 43.5 per cent of us sane Victorians drink lattes, it looks like our friends up in NSW and beyond Bass Strait have gone chocolate dust- and foam-crazy, preferring cappuccinos. 1985 wants its favourite drink back, guys.

Average price of small latte at cafes in Victoria

If you hate money (but have a lot of it), move to North Melbourne or Prahran
In Errol Street and its surrounds, the average price of a latte is $4.50. Ouch. Skip across to Parkville, however, and you could be paying just $3.50 for your caffeine hit (we suspect this is because of all those stingy Melbourne Uni students). 

Peak times for coffee purchases in Sydney and Melbourne

We are lazy as hell, Melbourne
We’ve got to give it to Sydneysiders: they’re starting the day earlier than us snooze-happy Melburnians.

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