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Illustration: Assa Ariyoshi

Let Us Sex-plain: My girlfriend just wants to have sex when we hang out

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York

By Jillian Anthony
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I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

I feel like every time I see my girlfriend, she just wants to have sex. I know, boo-hoo, but I want more. Am I the problem?

Bryson, Prospect Park

Communicate that you’d like to spend more time with your girlfriend outside of the bedroom, then set up dates during which you can talk rather than rip your clothes off. If she doesn’t show interest in knowing who you are, find a better match with someone also looking for intimacy beyond the physical.

I’m exploring polyamory, but I want to develop long-term relationships. Is that possible?

Mary, Flatiron District

Absolutely. Matt Albrecht—who hosts an advice podcast called Hannah and Matt Know It All with his primary partner—has been involved in several serious relationships concurrently. “One of the perks of a nonmonogamous lifestyle is that the expectations of the ‘relationship escalator’ are forfeited; long-term does not connote any expectations of marriage or house ownership or offspring,” says Albrecht. You and your partner(s) can define the relationship boundaries. “Welcome aboard the choose-your-own-adventure escalator!” he says. Go on, Mary, take a ride.

Submit your own

Read previous weeks’ sex columns

let us sex-plain
Photograph: Shutterstock

Let us sex-plain

Sex and dating

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York. Read them all here.

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