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Let Us Sex-plain: My partner took butt stuff too far

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York

Illustration: Alex Citrin
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I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Senior Things to Do editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!

I recently hooked up with this guy for the first time. He was fingering my vagina, then he put his finger in my mouth and asked if I liked how I tasted. I said yes. Then he started fingering my asshole, and it felt amazing. But then he put his finger in my mouth and said, “How does your asshole taste?” I told him to stop and that it was gross. Is this something girls are into, or is he just a weirdo?
Jenna, Queens

My eyes are wide and my mouth is agape. I’m glad you stood up for yourself when this guy crossed a personal boundary. No, this is not something girls, or most humans, are usually into, though some out there certainly are. At the very least this is just really fucking unhygienic. Maybe this is a fetish for him, or maybe he took the dirty talk three steps too far, but you definitely don’t have to be down with this. Carry on with the enjoyable butt stuff, but, er, always wash your hands—and in a sink, not in a mouth.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year, and the sex was awesome up until a few weeks ago, when he stopped being able to finish. I feel shitty that I can’t get him there. How can I help him finish, or what is a polite way to stop when I get the hint that it’s not going to happen?
Marla, East Harlem

The issue here could be as simple as something is stressing him out at work or at home, so ask him if there’s anything he’d like to talk about. Sometimes it takes a favorite move and consistency to orgasm, so ask him exactly what he wants in bed. And if you get tired, just stop and enjoy the ride. Remember, sex is not all about orgasm. Take the pressure off, and things might naturally come of their own accord.

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Sex and dating

Let us sex-plain

Your personal wingwoman, Jillian Anthony, answers all your questions about dating and doing it in New York. Read them all here.

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