I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!
I’ve started dating a wonderful guy 30 years older than me, and we’re having a great time. But he got divorced about a year ago and has shared custody of his child. Recently he asked me if I wanted to meet her, but it seems too soon. I want to keep seeing this guy but am absolutely not ready to be a stepdad. Should I break this off now?
—Lars, Bushwick
A father asking someone he’s dating to meet his child is a big deal—or at least it should be, as it’s another disruption in the life of a child who’s recently been through her parents’ divorce. Your guy’s role as a parent will always be central to who he is, but you already know you’re nowhere near ready for a coparenting commitment, and you’re hesitant to even meet this kid. It seems clear the two of you are on different paths. You can
be honest that you’re not looking for something serious and see how he responds, but it would likely prolong an inevitable parting of ways.
I slept with this guy I’m really obsessed with and it was amazing. When we’re together we make lots of plans and get along so well. But once I leave in the morning he doesn’t talk to me. If I try to reach out he doesn’t really respond. Despite this every time he hits me up I can’t say no and it always makes me feel like trash. Help!
—Jasmin, Brooklyn
I’ve been there. Hard. So I know from very painful experience that the longer you keep this up, the more trash-like you will feel. And, if you’re like me, that self-destructive behavior will have lasting consequences for your self-worth. It doesn’t matter how much chemistry you have with this guy: He is never going to be with you in the way you hope. Save yourself months of wasted time and undeserved shame, and be strong enough to walk away.
I met a guy who said he would be here for just a month. We decided to spend that time together and make it magical, but I understood it was temporary. He went back home not too long ago and I was a bit relieved, but now he’s contacting me saying he’d really like to keep in touch. I don’t know if that’s a good idea. What in the world should I do?
—Daria, Harlem
It depends on what “keeping in touch” means. Does that mean dropping a friendly text here and there and maybe a steamy sext on a Friday eve? Because that sounds fab! Or does it mean trying to develop a relationship with someone you know is physically unavailable to you? If it’s the latter, that’s a tough path to go down, and one that could distract you from meeting someone you could be with here in the city. If you were relieved when this guy took off, he’s probably not someone you should pursue across states, or oceans, or whatever’s keeping you apart.
