Here at Time Out, we make recommendations based on first hand experience. Please don’t make the same mistakes we have.
1. If it’s a family friendly affair, don't pick up strangers’ children.
2. Don't become so mesmerised by your own hair in the bathroom mirrors they send a search party.
3. Do make everyone sit in a circle and say one thing they like about the person next to them.
4. Don’t follow it up with one thing they don’t like about the person next to them.
5. Don't start a drinking chant.
6. Do play a trust game. They really do break the ice.
7. Don't play a trust game after five wines. You’ll drop someone.
8. Don't tell the boss's wife you have a cat that shares her name. Don’t start complaining to her about the cat's bad habits. Your boss's wife is completely paranoid and unhappy in her relationship as well, and the conversation can only end badly.
9. Don’t ask the CEO point blank what your name is. You don’t want to know the answer.
10. Don't tell the interns that salaried staff eat first. They’ll remember that moment when you work for them.
11. Don’t do a shoey.
12. Do carry several nut bars in your handbag to hand out to sloppy drunks.
13. Don't be the first one to get nude. There should be at least three nude people before you also decide to strip off.
14. Always be two drinks behind the drunkest member of senior management.
15. Do be the first person in the office the next day.
16. When you’re the first person in the office the next day, don’t wear your sunglasses inside.
17. Do ‘future you’ a favour and ensure there's a can of coke in the fridge, water by the bed and Panadol in the cabinet. Future you will be so grateful.
18. Always have a kick on plan ready – if everyone stands outside awkwardly for too long they'll go home.
19. Do give a customised Christmas jumper as a Kris Kringle gift. It will become the stuff of legend.
20. Don’t give lingerie as your Kris Kringle gift. No matter how hairy, pregnant or old your recipient is, it’s never as funny as you think.
21. Don't steal watercraft, strange bicycles or monkey sculptures.
22. Don’t call a coworker “the biggest wanker you’ve ever met”. Even if he is the biggest wanker you’ve ever met.
23. Do go swimming when drunk. It's always a good idea.
24. But don’t do it in the open ocean, or any body of water you can’t stand up in. That’s never a good idea.
25. Do kick on to a karaoke room. Screaming into a microphone is always a good idea.