The Real Housewives of Sydney is back after a not-so-brief hiatus, and this Emerald City of ours is the perfect playground for a second season of glamourising rich women behaving badly. So put down that girl dinner, because the Marvel Cinematic Universe for homosexuals is back in town, and I’m here to give you the run-down(under).
Wait, why was the original Real Housewives of Sydney cancelled?
For the newly initiated, this is the second attempt at a Sydney Housewives franchise. Six years ago, we had some snarky fights, police complaints filed against cast members, and even a “morbidly obese guy on a kayak towing an inflatable swan” saving one of our girls who “nearly fucking drowned”. Reportedly, the series was canned because it was too nasty. Which is crazy, because rich women from Vaucluse are so chill normally. Personally, I think the nasty was a nice touch. Let's be real, we all love a bit of drama, and what is more high drama than the frivolous in-fighting of people with more money than sense? I like to watch. I’m sick like that. But I’m just a comedian who mines their life for content, so what do I know?
So, who is in the cast of The Real Housewives of Sydney?
We have two returning veterans from our first season. Krissy March, a former model, is married to a property investor tycoon, and I guess I love her after hearing her say “it’s a good day to get these bitches a blow dry”. Former Miss Australia Nicole O’Neil now identifies as the “CEO of the O’Neil household” – which I hated in my ear holes, but it did spare us from hearing the words “girl boss” said without irony.
Our new roster of Sydney’s best and richest also includes Kate Adams, a blonde Bondi vet (not that one) who has already threatened to rip someone’s throat out on the Clovelly slab (certainly, one to watch). Victoria Montano runs a fashion label, and is already putting in the work as “one of the last three women in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney that has retained my nose, my lips and my breasts from birth. We are soon to be extinct”.
The Australian reality television circuit is now big business, so Caroline Gaultier, a Prague-born influencer and former model who loves travel, is now part of the Sydney Housewives brigade (maybe because she hadn’t already been cast on Byron Baes). Rounding out our wives is Sally Obermeder, a former TV host turned wellness brand owner; and party girl Terry Biviano (shoe designer and former NRL player Anthony Minichiello's wife), who is probably fun because she says fun things like the dress code is “fabulous”, but did also invite a saxophone player to a long lunch. (I think that’s OK in Croatia, but not the QVB, if that makes sense? The jury’s out.)
What are the essential ingredients for a good season of Real Housewives?
There are a few important rules for what makes a great Housewife (I’ve made them up myself.). Obviously: money. They run wellness brands, live next to $38-million mansions, and have daughters who are, like, really into fencing, which is totally cool. (Buzz buzz, this is waspy territory.) Their husbands should be hot and quiet. The wives should both love and be very bad at conflict management. This franchise works when our core cast understands that this is the assignment. We need to see the fighting – boy do we need that – but we also need the joy. These women should be friends (or at least pretend to be), and then all hell should break loose on an international vacation. And if a forehead hasn’t been botoxed, it’s simply bad manners.
What makes Sydney such a good city for Real Housewives?
I personally think Sydney might be the perfect Housewives city. The city is the fifth character! Or, in this case, sixth. Picture this: a morning dip at Gordon’s Bay, a long brunch at Bills, a fab dry haircut from Mousey Browne, falling out with a friend over a bottle of rosé at The Glenmore, and then finishing your night at a cabaret in Surry Hills. That’s right, this is a plug. I’m running a show called The Real Housewives of Cabaret, Sydney on Thursday, October 26, at a super secret location in Surry Hills (ok, it’s in the basement of hairdressers The Other Room and Mousey Browne). Mousetrap Comedy Club has invited their favourite comedians and actor friends to dress up and perform as Real Housewives. Expect songs, dances, speeches, slaps and silliness. Life is a Cabaret, after all! Tickets are $30 with a glass of champers on arrival and you can purchase yours HERE. (Girl dinner not included.)
Where can I watch The Real Housewives of Sydney?
Season Two of The Real Housewives of Sydney premiered on October 10, 2023. New episodes drop every Tuesday. You can stream the show on Binge or watch it on Foxtel.
And where can I see more of you, Brendan?
Not to make this about me, which is something I literally never do, but you can catch me hosting the fortnightly Mousetrap Comedy Club; in the new year, you'll find me performing at Sydney’s queer comedy festival during Mardi Gras; and perhaps with the most frequency at the Clovelly slab on any sunny day. Sometimes I’m horny (for comedy) on my Instagram @brendanhancock.