The best Halloween jokes

A classic from the surreal one-liner king’s back catalogue, as told on ‘28 Acts in 28 Minutes’.

An inventive costume idea from the ‘Catastrophe’ star and Twitter supremo.

For Halloween I'm going as that feeling you get at a store when you try to refold a sweater properly & put it back on the shelf.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 24, 2013

The ‘Flight of the Conchords’ star poses an interesting question on this episode of ‘John Oliver’s New York Stand Up Show’.

Surely many will disagree with the ‘Last Week Tonight’ host’s views on pumpkin spiced lattes…

Email chains. Remember them? As well as a Twitter hot shot, Rhys James is a whip-smart stand-up. Well worth checking out.

If the ghost of a murdered girl really existed I think she'd have something better to do than haunt people who don't forward chain emails.

— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) February 6, 2013

Wise words from the softly-spoken one-liner merchant and Perrier Award-winner, from his album ‘Standup Comedian’.

This superb US stand-up and ‘Orange is the New Black’ star performs long-form storytelling shows, but he offers some great one-liners on Twitter.

Halloween is the only day of the year when it's okay to ask, "what are you?"

— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) November 1, 2013

Just carved Michael Jackson's face into a pumpkin, it's my Jacko-lantern. #Halloween

— Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) October 31, 2013

We could’ve chosen a bunch from punmeister Tim Vine (‘I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts,’ for instance.) But this Twitter joke made us laugh the most.

I see Dracula has been rearranging his furniture with his teeth. Doing a bit of fang shui.

— Tim Vine (@RealTimVine) September 23, 2013

600 retweets and counting for this tweet from this ace, llionois-born stand-up.

They should just rename Halloween Dress like Christina Aguilera Day.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 30, 2013

Well worth watching this whole clip – it’s textbook Seinfeld, taken from his 1998 special, ‘I’m Telling You for the Last Time.’

Poor old Adam Hess. He’s a Foster’s Best Newcomer-nominated stand-up. Still not invited to parties.

I wasn't invited to any halloween parties so to get that spooky feeling I just ate a sandwich next to a photo of my nan in the dark

— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) November 3, 2014

‘Parks and Recreation’ star Aziz Ansari’s ‘Buried Alive’ is an effortlessly funny show. But this ‘Modern Ghosts’ routine is a particular highlight.

Follow Bec Hill, if you’re not already, for daily doses of solid gold LOLs.

This Halloween I'm going to dress as a zombie Suffragette to represent the death of feminism. LOLJK. I'll probably just be a sexy cat again.

— Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) October 31, 2013