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The best Halloween jokes

We round up the funniest Halloween jokes by some of our favourite comedians for the spookiest time of year

By Time Out London editors

WhooOOooOOoo! Etc etc. The creepiest month of the year is here! But you don’t have to just be scared witless this October. As well as the many great comedy shows this month, have a laugh at these dead funny Halloween jokes.

We’ve sifted through YouTube, Spotify and Twitter to find the funniest Halloween jokes from some of our favourite comedians. One-liner jokes, wry routines and spooky observations from Tim Vine, Milton Jones, Jerry Seinfeld, Aziz Ansari and many more. No tricks, just treats.

RECOMMENDED Halloween in London

Photo © Steve Ullathorne

Milton Jones

A classic from the surreal one-liner king’s back catalogue, as told on ‘28 Acts in 28 Minutes’.

Photo © Rob Delaney

Rob Delaney

An inventive costume idea from the ‘Catastrophe’ star and Twitter supremo.

Photo © Featureflash / Shutterstock

Kristen Schaal

The ‘Flight of the Conchords’ star poses an interesting question on this episode of ‘John Oliver’s New York Stand Up Show’.

Photo © Miro Vrlik Photography / Shutterstock

John Oliver

Surely many will disagree with the ‘Last Week Tonight’ host’s views on pumpkin spiced lattes…

Photo © Edward Moore

Rhys James

Email chains. Remember them? As well as a Twitter hot shot, Rhys James is a whip-smart stand-up. Well worth checking out.

Demetri Martin

Wise words from the softly-spoken one-liner merchant and Perrier Award-winner, from his album ‘Standup Comedian’.

Photo © Joan Marcus

Mike Birbiglia

This superb US stand-up and ‘Orange is the New Black’ star performs long-form storytelling shows, but he offers some great one-liners on Twitter.

Tony Cowards

Classic pun-work from this West Country one-liner merchant.


Tim Vine

We could’ve chosen a bunch from punmeister Tim Vine (‘I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts,’ for instance.) But this Twitter joke made us laugh the most.

Jim Gaffigan

600 retweets and counting for this tweet from this ace, llionois-born stand-up.


Jerry Seinfeld

Well worth watching this whole clip – it’s textbook Seinfeld, taken from his 1998 special, ‘I’m Telling You for the Last Time.’

Photo © Edward Moore

Adam Hess

Poor old Adam Hess. He’s a Foster’s Best Newcomer-nominated stand-up. Still not invited to parties.

Photo © Colin Patrick Smith

Aziz Ansari

‘Parks and Recreation’ star Aziz Ansari’s ‘Buried Alive’ is an effortlessly funny show. But this ‘Modern Ghosts’ routine is a particular highlight.

Photo © Steve Ullathorne

Bec Hill

Follow Bec Hill, if you’re not already, for daily doses of solid gold LOLs.

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