Six of the best naughty hotels in London

The several interconnecting townhouses that make up this seriously romantic hotel look rather different today than they would have in 1837 when Mr and Mrs Brown opened the hotel, but we think the far-sighted couple would approve of the Rocco Forte touches here – particularly in the Donovan Bar. This darkly sexy space is filled with brooding 1960s works by the celebrated photographer Terence Donovan; make for the ‘naughty corner’ filled with his more risqué black and white shots, order some of Mark Hix’s selection of British snacks (like the HIX threesome, which consists of such delicacies as Portland crab on toast, two Black Water wild rock oysters and scotch quail’s eggs), and let the photos and space work their desired magic on you.

The Sloane Square branch of Myhotel has an aesthetic that is softer and decidedly more English than its more modern Bloomsbury sister – think floral sofa and plates of scones in the lobby, and velvet cushions and Bee Kind toiletries in the guestrooms. But in one room, the more traditional ambience is seriously undermined. Suite 210 is decked out by the luxury erotic brand 210th, and comes packaged with special bath oil, massage oil and a decidedly erotic ambience. When you book it, you can also book an add-on 210th package for £60 which includes a box of arousing goodies such as a vibrator and satin blindfolds, plus a number of saucy assignments in little black envelopes, and ‘pleasure balls’. No, we don’t know either.

The deliciously sexy South Place threads potential liaisons through its entire space. From a secret garden specialising in cocktails, champagnes and cigars; to Dominion rooms offering 40” Bang & Olufsen TVs and access to an extensive film library; and Studio rooms with baths big enough for two and super king-sized beds – all of them offering touch-panel mood lighting. But suite 610 is the one to save up for. Showcasing artworks using paper moths cut from vintage porn mags, it features a glass bathtub, an in-room cinema and a range of sexy escape packages that includes the Koibito intimacy kit. Yes, it is what it sounds like.

It’s cheesy we know, but haven’t you wondered what it would be like to do it under a mirrored ceiling? In Sanctum Soho’s Room 404, or the BXG Suite, you can find out. Billed as the world’s first ‘luxury S&M chamber’ the room, set up by Box of Grey, comes complete with a cupboard full of toys and accessories, including a high-end vibrator, restraints, a leather mask, whips, feathers, blindfolds, latex bondage bow and a whole lot more. Not doing it for you? You can also order a customised box. Elsewhere, there’s a sexy rooftop bar, and rooms with big round beds in them if you want to recreate a raunchy 1970s movie moment.

This charming hotel may seem unassuming at first, with good rates, free wifi and a confusing name – the whole shebang – but it has one special feature that makes it especially perfect for whirlwind romances: its day stay option. Check in at 10am, check out at 4pm. It’s probably mostly there for photo-shoots or to give hurried business folk somewhere to set up base for the day, but let’s not pretend you can’t find a much, much better use for it – especially if you book a Shoebox room, which the website describes as ‘ideal for one (or for two, but be prepared to get up close and personal…)’.

Opened in an eighteenth-century hospital building as an exclusive space for creative people, Covent Garden’s Hospital Club consists of 15 boutique rooms across a range of categories, from the windowless but well-designed Sleeper to the ‘presidential suite’ with a private terrace. All feature high-quality toiletries, artworks courtesy of an art programme that sees different artists curate and exhibit their work in individual rooms, upscale retro tech and, best of all, a cocktail bar turndown service and an ‘erotic minibar’ full of high-fashion sex toys. Hotel guests get full access to the club’s facilities too, including a hip restaurant focused on sustainable British produce, a screening room and a rooftop terrace.