It’s a truth universally acknowledged, that being naughty is much more fun than being nice. And if that’s what you’re looking for, then we’re here to help.
While just being in a hotel room might do it for some couples, it’s the additional extras that will temporarily turn your sex life from mundane missionary to a full-on beast with two backs workout. So if our selection of the best romantic hotels aren’t quite as raunchy as you’d like, here’s our selection of the best naughty hotels in London. Trust us, they should help raise your pulse rate in no time.
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London's best naughty hotels
The several interconnecting townhouses that make up this seriously romantic hotel look rather different today than they would have in 1837 when Mr and Mrs Brown opened the hotel, but we think the far-sighted couple would approve of the Rocco Forte touches here – particularly in the Donovan Bar. This darkly sexy space is filled with brooding 1960s works by the celebrated photographer Terence Donovan; make for the ‘naughty corner’ filled with his more risqué black and white shots, and let the photos and space work their desired magic on you.
Few things scream sexy so much as a secret and South Place has two. One is their secret garden, a surprise oasis with a waterfall and palm trees. The other is their Prohibition era-inspired speakeasy Le Chiffre, a sleek salon with cute cocktails that look good enough to eat (and often are). Events are hosted regularly here, from live DJs to boozy pop-ups, so you can party the night away just moments from your bed. You’ll be happy to know that all rooms come with at least a king-size bed and baths big enough for two, but if you save up for Suite 610 you’ll be in for a real treat. This one-bed apartment is huge, has a glass-sided bath (as well as a separate marble en suite) and artwork created from vintage pornographhy. Ooh la la.
This charming hotel may seem unassuming at first, with good rates, free wifi and a confusing name – the whole shebang – but it has one special feature that makes it perfect for whirlwind romances: there is a day stay option. Check-in at 10am, check out at 4pm. It’s probably mostly there for photo-shoots or to give hurried business folk somewhere to set up base for the day, but let’s not pretend you can’t find a much, much better use for it – especially if you book a Shoebox room, which the website describes as ‘ideal for one (or for two, but be prepared to get up close and personal…)’.
Book in at Sanctum's Junior Suite for a bit of slinky disco sexiness. There are mirrors just about everywhere, so you can admire your beautiful selves from many angles, and the bathtub, which is right by the bed, is uplit, abutted by a mirrored column and flanked by a voyeuristic shimmering silver curtain. Elsewhere, there’s a rooftop bar and another room (Junior Deluxe) with big, round bed.
Opened in an eighteenth-century hospital building as an exclusive space for creative people, Covent Garden’s Hospital Club consists of 15 boutique rooms across a range of categories, from the windowless but well-designed Sleeper to the ‘presidential suite’ with a private terrace. All feature high-quality toiletries, artworks courtesy of an art programme that sees different artists curate and exhibit their work in individual rooms, upscale retro tech and, best of all, a cocktail bar turndown service. Hotel guests get full access to the club’s facilities too, including a hip restaurant focused on sustainable British produce, a screening room and a rooftop terrace.
Thanks to the impeccably designed rooms at Blakes, this hotel has become a revered spot for lovers and fashionable locals alike. Our advice? Take a look at their series of ‘director's double’ rooms – a group of individually styled spaces that have something for everyone. We’re talking everything from bold, mysterious striped rooms to extravagant rooms absolutely dripping with gold gilt. Plus, there’s usually some kind of saucy offering at Blakes, to make your stay even sweeter. At the moment, you can snap up their overnight love package, where you’ll enjoy champagne, breakfast, massage oil, an ‘intimacy kit’ (work it out for yourself) and a Kama Sutra book. Page 69, anyone?