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‘This is not just any food,’ goes the ad. ‘This is Marks & Spencer’s food.’ Yup, and now the company has decided that the way to distinguish good old M&S sweet treats for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee weekend from their rivals is to offer us a pair of cakes: ‘Corgi and Queen Connie the Caterpillar Cake duo’. So that’s one with the face of a dog, and one with the face of a 96-year-old great-grandmother. Party time!
In one of those moments that makes you realise just how damn peculiar this country truly is – and Londoners, don’t be smug: we’re at the heart of this lunacy, remember? – Marks & Sparks has temporarily replaced its famous Colin/Connie the Caterpillar chocolate cake with the Jubilee-leaning comestibles.
In terms of appearance it has to be said that the corgi is the better likeness as, like dachshunds, they are famously short-legged. The lack of separation between body and plate is not quite so inexplicable as it is for Queen Connie, who sports a golden/white chocolate crown and pink lipstick plus strange outgrowths on the side of her log-like torso. Still, lock me in the Tower, but she still looks pretty yum.
The cake duo is described as ‘two chocolate sponge rolls filled with chocolate buttercream, covered in milk chocolate with an edible cape’ – which is not something you read every day. Suitable for vegetarians, it retails at £12 for the two. It’s so brand-spanking new that there’s is only one customer review on Ocado so far which gives it three stars saying,
‘This is a beautiful take on a classic for a historic moment in history.’
The customer deducts points, however, because the ‘best before’ date on their cake is several days before the Jubilee celebrations even begin, despite it being unsuitable for freezing.
It’s unclear whether other supermarket brands will be extending the Jubilee festivities to their chocolate logs given the recent settlement over the Aldi ‘Cuthbert’ cake. Still, Morrisons, as reported last month in the Metro, is launching canine cake competition in the shape of ‘Clarence the Corgi’ on May 21. The breed is famously up for a rumble, so let the Jubilee teatime battle commence!
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