London for Grinches

Nothing cuts through festive schmaltz better than a giant slug, and the two merry molluscs adorning Tate Britain are there to slime all over Christmas conventions. They even leave glowing LED trails. The sculptures are the work of artist Monster Chetwynd, who got the idea after seeing footage of slugs having sex. The holiday belongs to our gastropod overlords now. Tate Britain Millbank. Tube: Pimlico. Until Feb 28 2019.

Sick of having to share your pub snug with the overgrown branches of a Christmas tree? Visit phantasmagoric cocktail bar The Last Tuesday Society where you can drink inside a wunderkabinett of mummified cats and crocodile skulls. You’re more likely to be offered a shot of absinthe than a drop of sherry here. 11 Mare St. Cambridge Heath Overground. Tue-Sun. Prices vary.

Bored of Buck’s fizz? Pay a visit to Guinness’s Open Gate Brewery Experimental Taproom where they’ll be pouring out rare IPAs and pilsners along with the black stuff. Okay, there will be a ‘festive beer’, but you can go for a chilli-flavoured stout instead. Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick Lane. Shoreditch High St Overground. Until Dec 22. Free entry.

End-of-year deadlines and slow pavement walkers making it all feel a little… too much? Confine your Christmas rage to the Wreck Room, a space where you can choose your weapon, pick some accompanying songs and smash shit up. Locations vary. From £35. Book at www.wreckroom.co.uk.

Avoid the creepy stalker psychology of ‘Love Actually’ for the anti-Christmas film season at Deptford Cinema. Book in for a screening of ‘Gremlins’ (Saturday December 15) or suburban horror ‘Better Watch Out’ (December 21). Alternatively take a crowd of glum chums to ‘Lost in Translation’ karaoke (Friday December 14). 39 Deptford Broadway. Deptford Bridge DLR. From £6.

Spend a night in the crypt of theme restaurant Lost Boys Pizza for a vampire yoga class where you can practise an energising vinyasa flow followed by spooky guided meditation and finish with some ‘bloody tasty’ charcoal-base pizza. 141 Junction Rd. Tube Tufnell Park. Sun Dec 16. £35.

Skip all the pantos for a December show that’s more ‘Sweeney Todd’ than ‘Snow White’. Sink The Pink’s deeply twisted and dysfunctional ‘How to Catch a Krampus’ is absolutely not for the faint-hearted. Pleasance Theatre, Carpenters Mews, North Rd. Tube: Caledonian Rd. Until Dec 23. £22-£25.