UPDATE: Some train services are slowly resuming – follow Metro Trains on Twitter for updates.
It's cold and windy, it's peak hour, and the city's entire rail system has come to a halt. Right now, there are no trains running, and many commuters are stuck on trains between stations. Boom gates on train crossings are closed, which means that car traffic will also be affected. Buses and trams will be packed with would-be train passengers. At the time of writing, the surge price for Uber is x3.5 the normal fare from Southern Cross Station.
Ah Melbourne, what a liveable city.
Earlier this afternoon, Metro Trains tweeted this ominous message:
ALL trains across the network are currently stopped due to a computer failure. Pls seek alternative transport and listen for announcements.— Metro Trains (@metrotrains) July 13, 2017
Unfortunately, by that time, many poor souls were already mid-commute, or waiting to catch their train home.
Unsurprisingly, commuters have taken to Twitter to express their anger at what is surely one of the worst first-world problems ever to exist.
Fun for us stopped between stations. Our options are a little limited— Kara (@KaraLambo) July 13, 2017
Why can't this fucking bullshit happen on the way to work.— Rico Thorton (@ricothorton) July 13, 2017
Some helpful travellers have tried to suggest solutions to whatever technical failure has befallen Metro Trains:
... while others are generously giving those of us who haven't yet attempted to leave our workplaces a bit of entertainment.
Live footage of Metro staff trying to fix the problem! pic.twitter.com/TDPhopLMib— Luke De Gabrielle (@lukedegab) July 13, 2017
But hey: at least there's always good old reliable Stony Point line, right?
Good luck, Melbourne: we hope you all get home swiftly and safely.