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Shut up about pumpkin spice for a minute and hear us out: Fall can actually be the worst. Yes, we see your beautiful photos of fall and festive fall activities, but to paraphrase good old Jon Snow, winter is coming in NYC. And spoiler: The foliage around NYC is going to suck this year. No, this doesn’t mean we’re about to move to LA—we would prefer to stay right here and complain about the weather, thank you very much.
RECOMMENDED: Full guide to the best things to do in the fall in NYC
1. Fall means bracing yourself for feeling cold from October to April. There may be a warm day here or there, but that bone-chilling frost won’t fully disappear for a long six months.
2. Speaking of cold weather, we already feel the seasonal affective disorder setting in.
3. It’s cuffing season. You know, that time when your hot summer fling ditches you and everyone you know is suddenly in a relationship? And it’s not depressing at all being the only single person during the holidays.
4. Yay, flu season!
5. It gets dark out so early now. Is there anything more soul crushing than leaving for work when it’s dark out and coming home from work when it’s dark out?
6. Halloween is too scary. Or too slutty. We can’t decide which is worse.
7. Fall fashion just means having to do a load of laundry every week because you’re wearing so much damn clothing. A sundress is so much simpler than pants, a shirt, a cardigan, a scarf, socks, tights under your pants, a hat, a jacket, etc.
8. RIP, iced coffee. You’ll be missed.
9. Get ready to have a minor panic attack every time you turn on the TV and see a horror movie trailer.
10. Summer = less tourists. Why visit NYC in August when you can come and be part of the masses swarming the holiday window displays and Rockefeller Plaza as soon as it cools off? We’ll take the empty summer streets, thanks.
11. It’s itchy-sweater weather.
12. Pumpkin spice latte OD is a serious condition sweeping the nation. That, and pumpkin spice oatmeal, pumpkin spice vodka, pumpkin spice cream cheese….enough already.
13. Thanksgiving is coming and you’re gonna get fat.
14. Getting out of bed in the morning goes from being NBD to the worst thing ever.
15. Before it starts snowing, we’re going to get rain, which means broken umbrellas, sweaty rain boots and suspicious puddles.
16. Writing about the Radio City Christmas Spectacular in September is a serious downer.
17. We’ll see the return of leggings that aren’t pants.
18. No more beach days. No more glorious sunshine, picnics in the sand and falling asleep to the sound of waves crashing. What, no, you’re crying.
19. Bulky winter coats are so flattering and stylish, said no one ever.
20. This song.
21. Your skin is about to look like an iguana’s.
22. These are actual ridiculous scents of fall candles you can buy now: Crisp Morning Air. Autumn Gathering. Cozy by the Fire. Farmer’s Market. Magical Frosted Forest. November Rain. Soft Blanket.
23. We would be bummed that our beautiful bronzed tan is slowly fading if we hadn’t been meticulously using sunscreen all summer. Er….
24. Ugh, Uggs.
25. Yes, those are Christmas decorations at your local Duane Reade. No, Halloween hasn’t happened yet.
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