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Photograph: Courtesy CC/Flickr/sjsharktank

Seven things you can’t have because you live in NYC

By
John Marshall
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For all that living in New York has to offer, there are a lot of sacrifices that accompany it. Sure, you get 24-hour restaurants, Broadway shows and that insane skyline view that still impresses even the most jaded New Yorkers every once in a while. But we’ve had to make some cuts to make it here. Read on for a list of things you have to give up if you want to live here.

1. An automobile
The average cost of parking in NYC is about $430 a month (that’s $5,160 a year). Sure, some New Yorkers from Staten Island or Queens are able to have a car, but the daily hassles they face—from daily traffic jams to opportunistic graffiti—probably mean they wish they didn’t. In any case, none of us can have a car in the traditional American sense of a liberating portal to the open road (at least until we escape to upstate New York).

2. Cheap shoes
If you buy cheap shoes in New York, you’re going to buy a lot of them. No other city is as hard on your footwear. From clomping up subway stairs to walking along a flower bed to avoiding a pool of what you think is vomit—God, you hope it’s just vomit.

3. Really big dogs
We love our dogs in New York. But those of us who can’t afford a personal dog trainer or don't have a multi-story penthouse also can’t afford to keep a large dog. Or—at the very least—we shouldn’t try. Because no dog cares about how trendy his neighborhood is or how near he is to choice brunch spots.

4. A pool table
The idea of a rec room is not something New Yorkers are familiar with—there are no beanbag-laden basements or rooms big enough to hold a pool table for us.

5. A tire swing
Perhaps it’s because we find nothing charming about abandoned tires. Nice bucolic addition to your lakefront property says you; sheer squalor and decay say we! Why would you hang that remnant of urban decay from a tree? Also, you have a tree?

6. Frozen pizza
This is a positive negative, since it’s something no self-respecting New Yorker would want even if we could get it. Frozen pizzas are vile, and when you’re in New York, you can get delicious pizza real quick and cheap at a dollar slice spot anyway.

7. A sense of personal space
Sorry, would you explain what that is again?

The polls are open! Vote for your favorite spots that deserve a Love New York Award.

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