Time Out LOLs

We dare you not to laugh (then cry at the harsh realities) then laugh some more at these Time Out LOLs

© Shutterstock

What are the tell-tale signs you're in the hipster Holy Land? What relationship spats will you have this summer in Tel Aviv? And what are the five most common Israel neuroses? Check out these knee slapping, laughing-attack inducing, gut busting listicles to get the answers to these questions and more.

City life

27 ways Jewish summer camp and Israel are practically the same
News

27 ways Jewish summer camp and Israel are practically the same

Whether you’ve realized it or not, attending Jewish summer camp and living in Israel go hand in hand. Camp provides an extraordinary experience that no one on the outside can understand, yet no one on the inside can explain. Living in Israel brings back that exact same feeling. Still not sold? Check out these facts common to both Maine summers and Israel:     1. There’s no such thing as “too much” ice cream.   2. Having mysterious insects crawling around your apartment is nothing new.   3. Bug juice and Fuze iced tea are interchangeable.   4. You can wear shorts and a t-shirt to work - also, short shorts and ripped jean shorts are in.      5. You literally walk EVERYWHERE.   6. There’s no wrong time to wear Tevas.   7. There will always be some residual sand in your sheets, no matter how many times you wash them.     8. You are most in your element when on a Kibbutz (communal dining, shared bunks, and cold showers are your jam).   9. While your friends freak out about the bats on King George Street, they’re nothing you haven’t seen before – you’ve shooed them out of a bunk of screaming fifth graders.   10. Multiple tan lines.

The 10 unwritten rules all Tel Avivians need to know
News

The 10 unwritten rules all Tel Avivians need to know

The keys to survival in the wild White City:   1. If you don’t like tahina, pretend to. Don't bother asking the waiter to hold the tahina; it will inevitably lead to this Tel Aviv thought process: "What? You don't like tahina? What's wrong with you? You're going to eat it until you do, no ifs ands or buts about it."     2. Ignore the “walking man” traffic signal 85% of the time. 15% of the time it isn't working.     3. Girl’s night out on pay day, Happy Hour the rest of the month. In fact, there's always 10 shekel kiosk wine...it doubles as vinegar.    4. Do not abruptly stop walking in the middle of the Shuk, you’ll die! Those walking through the Shuk take the path of least resistance...you are as invisible as the five p.m. fish guts according to the locals.     5. When your bike gets stolen because your friend convinced you to lock it in a vulnerable location, they owe you a beer...and a new bike. Just don't tell them that you stole the bike in the first place.   6. If you’re crazy enough to spend 40 shekels on a Goldstar at the beach, drink it instead of spilling it all over the sand. Five second rule?     7. There's a threshold for how many agorot you can leave as tip. Do NOT under any circumstance pass that threshold.     8. Do not listen to whatsa

21 things that only make sense to Israelis
News

21 things that only make sense to Israelis

Israelis: we're an interesting bunch. From redefining the work week to an absurd number of cats and everything in between, we like to play by our own rules here. However, when you reside in a pita-loving, fitness-obsessed country that's on the verge of melting about 10 months of the year, it's only natural to develop some universal quirks, habits, lingo & fashion statements that only make sense in Israel. For better or for worse, here are 21 things that only make sense to Israelis.   1. Calling a lake a 'sea.' Yes, there’s sand on the lakefront, yes we call it the "Dead Sea," yes it's super salty, but no, it is not a sea.   2. Bargaining in shopping malls. Nothing in Israeli life is fixed, especially prices. Bargaining takes places everywhere, even in  your local Castro.     3. Sunday-Thursday work weeks. That's right! Throwback Thursdays now give you a reason to sport those bell bottom jeans to work.     4. 1+1. A mathematical equation that always = Happy Hour.     5. Crack Toast. a) it doesn't contain crack, b) "toast" means grilled cheese in Israel, and c) it's delicious, just eat it.   6. Walking on Jabotinsky/Dizengoff/Rothschild/King George. Streets are people, too.     7. Whatsapp voice messages. Why text when you can share your latest date fail with the entire bus?   8. Chasers. While

13 otherwise odd things that are totally ordinary in the Israeli workplace
News

13 otherwise odd things that are totally ordinary in the Israeli workplace

1. Shorts – they’re basically business casual.   2. Jeans – a year-round phenomenon, not just a casual Friday occasion.   3. Succinct correspondence – starting a formal e-mail with “hi” and signing off with your initial (sometimes two if you’re really fancy).   4. /in·side voices/ : yelling mild requests across the office at a pitch only audible to dogs and select pigeons.   5. Air conditioners – that always seem to be broken in June, but perfectly functioning in January.   6. Informality – don’t be surprised if your boss asks you about your date last night or knows every detail of your coworker’s complicated family dynamic.   7. Babies – there always seem to be at least two babies being passed around the room like a slow motion rugby replay, also…   8. Stray children – I’m starting to wonder if they actually belong to anyone?   9. Lateness – an empty office at 9 a.m. is commonplace.The Israeli workplace applauds teenage behavior and encourages sleeping in as socially acceptable, even borderline cool.    10. Holidays – lots and lots of holidays, days off, and half days. By some act of God, no Jewish holiday tends to fall on the weekend anymore, score!   11. Gossip – did you hear what happened to Tal’s sister’s cousin’s brother’s aunt last n

Show more

Top five

Top five people you secretly don't want at your holiday dinner that show up anyway
News

Top five people you secretly don't want at your holiday dinner that show up anyway

1. Drunk Uncle Whether you live in Brazil, England, Canada, the U.S., Israel or Antarctica, this rowdy relative is a key player in the holiday dinner party game. While they blend in more seamlessly on Passover, due to the "religious obligation" to drink four glasses of wine, Drunk Uncle raises a glass to every accomplishment, no matter how minute. "Young Benny was asked to the Prom? L'Chaim!"..."Sandy divorced husband #2? Raise a glass!"..."I didn't spill red wine on the white table cloth this ye...whoops." At least they're consistent.   © Alena Ploski         2. The Drifter There's something slightly "off" about the kind stranger your father picked up on his way home from Ben Gurion Airport, but you can't quite place your finger on it – despite her rough image, she's (a little too) polite, claims to be a worldwide traveler (yet has no luggage with her), and when asked where she's from, she answers "all over" in a muddled accent. Perhaps she's running away from the law, a pathological liar and/or serial killer (on the lam?), or maybe she just didn't want to spend another holiday with her own family; either way, it's best to keep your personal possessions on you at all times when the Drifter is drifting about – might we suggest a money belt? © Alena Ploski         3. The Blind Lovers As always, Michael bursts through the door 40 minutes late just in time for the first ladling of chicken soup. A jacket clings haphazardly to his right arm, his newest muse to his left. "Mo

Top 5 people who visit you in Israel
News

Top 5 people who visit you in Israel

1. Your parents From the minute they touch down in Natbag, the pictures, questions, and demands don’t stop: Let’s have someone take a family photo in front of your office! What do you mean you don’t have health insurance yet? Call my friend Barbara’s son, you need to find a nice Jewish boy. There’s no escaping these visitors, but after an all-expense paid trip to Taizu and a joyous reunion with your childhood pillow that they stuffed in a carry on, would you even want to?   2. Your cousin’s ex-boyfriend’s best friend No one in your family knows how they found out you were in Israel, or got your phone number, but this unlikely visitor is messaging you as though you’ve met far more times than that one Hanukkah party. Sure, you have 55 mutual friends on Facebook, but does that mean they should crash on your couch for a week? Why not–it wouldn’t be Israel without a little combina.   3. Your long-lost Birthright friends This sunburnt, hungover group of pals just made an impulse decision to extend their Birthright trip, and despite not talking since college, are ready for 10 more days of fun courtesy of you. Good luck explaining that yes, you have a full time job, and no, you won’t go to Shalvata. It’s all fun and games catching up, until someone throws up on your floor.   4. Your best camp friend Counting down the days doesn’t even begin to explain this reunion when you’ve been planning to meet up in the Holy Land since the seventh grade. From one Happy Hour to the nex

Top five day trips by train (from Tel Aviv)
News

Top five day trips by train (from Tel Aviv)

You love the hustle and bustle of the city, you savor the sheer Israeliness of the screaming traffic, yet sometimes you yearn for a bit of good old peace and quiet. Enter Israel Railways, the only place where you feel like you’re no longer in Israel, but somewhere slightly more civilized. Sit back in a wide berth and listen to the quiet hum of the train as you take in the country’s breathtaking scenery. Only an hour away from Tel Aviv, set out to explore Haifa’s magnificent Baha’i Gardens or bask in door-to-door service in the other direction - to Jerusalem’s Biblical Zoo   Jerusalem First on the list has got to be a train ride to Israel’s ancient capital. Nothing beats the scenery in the ascent to Jerusalem: rolling hills, rocky dales and plenty of forestry accompany your journey. This beautiful journey beats the traffic of Kvish 1 any day, the only disadvantage is that the train drops you off near Malha, which is a fair distance from the center of Jerusalem. However, you can spend a full day in the surrounding area of the train station, either at the Biblical Zoo, Jerusalem’s pastoral animal habitat, or at Ein Yael, the nature reserve across the valley from the Zoo.   Jerusalem’s zoo is hardly run-of-the-mill for myriad reasons, including the fact that all the animals are labelled with the passages that refer to them in the Hebrew bible as well as having a unique breeding program for endangered species. Ein Yael is a living museum which fuses history and nature by allo

Top five Tel Aviv neuroses
News

Top five Tel Aviv neuroses

1. You're more hungover than the rest of the office You're hungover...for the third time this week (and you've only had three work days so far). Despite the caffeine-inspired boost that helped you achieve the impossible and physically get to the office, the short-lasting effects of your first cup-o-Joe have worn off. Death, meet Jenny. Everyone stares at you as you struggle with the office entry code. You keep your sunglasses on to hide your bloodshot eyes, make a mad dash for the espresso machine, and hope to God your boss is in a morning meeting.   © Alena Ploski   2. Everyone is more Tel Avivian than you You've got the style, the studio apartment, and the cold shoulder when American frat bros try to hit on you at the bar down pat. But does that make you Tel Avivian enough? Never. That's why you buy a bike (even though you've never ridden one before), grow unnecessary facial hair, and go out of your way to spend the night at Rokoko, hopeful that the residual cigarette smell will linger on your clothes and skin for at least a day or two.   © Alena Ploski       3. Your friends makes more money than you Most Israelis are bold and their first questions are often monetary. Something along the lines of "How much do you make?" or "How much is your rent?" are considered appropriate first date material. You're too gosh darn polite to ask your friends though, even if they constantly nudge you to tell them your salary, expenses, and net worth. One day you crack, a

Top five people you'll find at the Shuk
News

Top five people you'll find at the Shuk

1. The clueless tourist   By far the worst of the bunch, the clueless tourist missed the memo regarding appropriate walking pace – and direction – when passing through the center of the Shuk. They tend to swim upstream against a flood of informed shoppers, taking extra caution to stop for photographs at every single stall. Click! Clack! Kodak! Feel free to give them a friendly nudge to help them along on the difficult journey that lies ahead.   2. The commuter   These rebels with a cause spot their target, lay out their mission, and proceed without caution. Though hard to spot due to their extreme, cheetah-like speed, if you don't blink, you might just catch the wild species zipping down the side aisles of the Shuk. As they are on a clock and determined to reach whatever appointment or meeting awaits them on the other side (with sufficient time to spare), commuters are prone to the path of least resistance. They are unfazed by pushy hagglers, elephant print blankets, and overpriced fidget spinners.   3. The matkot enthusiast   There is always that one, naive individual in search of the perfect set of matkot paddles – this requires a visit to each and every stall inside the Shuk (and surrounding areas) and a failed attempt to bargain with each and every stall inside the Shuk (and surrounding areas) before narrowing down the options from 43 to 20, at which point stopping for lunch to recharge is compulsory. Once the matkot enthusiast has revisited their options, shave

Top five excuses for being late
News

Top five excuses for being late

1. 'Waze misjudged the traffic' You can't go boasting to all of your North American friends about how much better the Israel GPS app is than their old school Google Maps app, then turn on it at the expense of your dignity. Even the world's largest community based traffic and navigation app has its days. "Stupid smart phone! I thought you were supposed to be...well...smart!"   2. 'Somebody stole my bike' It is a rite of passage to have at least one bike stolen when living in Tel Aviv, the unofficial cycling capital of the Middle East (to be fair, there isn't much competition for the title with all the sand and what not). A few empathetic looks are expected, perhaps even a pat on the back or an uncomfortable hug...but those sympathetic sentiments will fade when the supposedly 'stolen' bike magically reappears later that day.   3. 'I blame Taglit' There's a lot we can blame on the manmade traffic jams that start in May and last until July (sometimes August if you count the token few who extend their trip, then link arms with others of their kind and multiply to create the ultimate antagonist, or as Mario would call him, "Birthright Bowser"). But let's be honest, how much time does weaving through a pack of stray cats struggling to be herded actually add to the saga? 5 minutes? Maybe less? Just steer clear of the bright red lanyards and Jewish American Princesses and you'll be fine.   4. 'The bus never came' (or was 'too full') Holding public transportation responsible

Top five people who ruin the beach
News

Top five people who ruin the beach

1. The Speedo Sporter   There's always that one banana hammock enthusiast who feels the need to let it al(most) hang loose at the beach. If he was the perfectly sculpted Israeli army brat type, that would be one thing, but there are parameters to the "beach balls" cult: older, hairy, white male, over the age of 50, not afraid to be loud and proud in an effort to attract other speedo sporters – aka the ideal Tinder profile.   2. The Day Drinker   Sure, Happy Hour is great in Tel Aviv. "But who decided we could only be happy for an hour? It's the weekend, the sun is shining, and the day is young, why not crack some beers on the beach, right now?" These are the thoughts that run through the Day Drinker's (at-the-time) sober mind, until those first two 10% Slowbrews kick in and the gloves (or in this case flip-flops) come off. As they drunkenly curse the sand, the tourists, and the disappearing garbage bin they swear someone removed as a practical joke just as they felt the vomit coming up, their friends head for sunset patio drinks. Not such a happy hour after all, huh?   3. The Perspirer   Everyone has a "perspiry date": that carefully calculated window of opportunity between the time of peak sweatiness and deodorant expiration. There's always that one extra sweaty, extra stanky friend who missed the memo, or maybe they just have a permanently blocked nose. Come on guy, reapply! Sometimes, settling for that nauseating AXE body spray cloud that encapsulates every teena

Top five worst sounds in Tel Aviv
News

Top five worst sounds in Tel Aviv

1. Car horns   Within a week of living in Tel Aviv, you'll wonder whether there is some universal twitch that causes Israelis to honk their car horns at every traffic light, stop sign, intersection, biker, and pedestrian on. The. Planet. While at first, the incessant noise takes the cake on worst sounds in the city, based on pure frequency alone, you'll learn to drown it out quite quickly.   2. Whatsapp notifications   To match their hipster appearance, complete with a strong desire to do everything contrary to the mainstream, Tel Avivians have even found a way to reject the ever-so-common text message: Whatsapp. Just because you've found a new outlet, does not mean you should crank the volume on your phone up to full capacity so that everyone in the office knows that he "texted you back." Your coworkers get it, you're popular, it's cool. Now turn your phone to silent or vibrate (perfect for both business and pleasure purposes) before it 'accidentally' falls off your desk and into the garbage when you go to the bathroom.   3. American accents   There's nothing wrong with Americans per se; they maintain the booming Carmel Market economy and keep words like 'sachi' alive. However, like Hakosem's fried sabich, which tastes delicious but repeats on you like a Static and Ben El song, they have one fault: an absolute inability to conceptualize a little something called "volume control." Americans thrive in numbers and are often spotted in large groups (i.e. Birthright glo

5 tips and tricks to stay cool on a hot Tel Aviv summer's day
News

5 tips and tricks to stay cool on a hot Tel Aviv summer's day

Tel Aviv is a city that truly comes alive once the summer hits, but the heat in the Middle East is no laughing matter. Staying cool under the hot sun can be trickier than you think. We’ve got you covered (and not just with umbrellas) with a complete play-by-play to make the most of your Tel Aviv summer's day while not melting away.   Morning You wake up, peer out your window to see the sun shining and the clear blue skies, but the second you walk outside you are faced with that brutal summer sun...already. Before the sun starts really blazing, it’s important to prepare for your perfect Tel Aviv day. First stop: Shuk HaCarmel – where you’ll find all your goodies to stay cool for the day. Start with a juice or smoothie (they’re all good), but my personal favorite is located at the back left hand side (coming from Allenby street) where you can get any fruit combination your little heart dreams of. Thirst quenched, crisis averted. It’s time to stock up for the day aka rock on with your watermelon on. Not only will it probably be the juiciest and most impressively sized watermelon of your life, but it’ll be exactly what you need on a hot Tel Aviv summer's day.   © Shutterstock Next stop...find water Tel Aviv is blessed to be located along the gorgeous Mediterranean so all the of the beach options are good....very good. You can choose to stay in Tel Aviv and walk straight from the Shuk to whichever beach floats your boat or live life on the edge and venture over to Her

Top five people you'll meet on the bus
News

Top five people you'll meet on the bus

1. The bus driver Well known in the commuter community by every passenger screaming their name, “nahag” is not merely a job description as much as it is a lifestyle. Whether 30 or 80, your driver is determined to finish first in whatever make-pretend action racing game they are playing. They also know the city streets like the back of their hand – which is probably why they deviate from the prescribed route on Moovit. As you blow through three red lights in a row and nearly hit a pedestrian, take solace in knowing that your nahag probably operated a tank in the IDF and – despite what it seems – you are (mostly) safe.   2. The crazy cart lady Just when it doesn’t seem possible to cram more people onto the bus, this passenger arrives. She gets on with an overflowing shuk cart, at least two plastic bags of food, and won’t be stopped until she finds a seat – don’t doubt the power of a crazy cart lady on a mission. Once settled in, it’s clear that she actually knows half the people on the bus and you begin to question what other secrets lie within her kilos of fresh produce.   3. The bewildered tourist From the minute they step on the bus and try to pay with a 200 shekel bill, you know this person is not a local. Armed with a predictable slew of questions (which is the stop for the Carmel Market?) and a knack for running into people (I’m sorry, the bus stopped so suddenly!), this tourist is more of a hazard than your driver’s need-for-speed mentality. Little do they know, t

Top five people you'll encounter at your next Park HaYarkon concert
News

Top five people you'll encounter at your next Park HaYarkon concert

1. The diehard Israeli fan These concert-goers are a thing of beauty. It does not matter how broken their English is, from the first chord Thom Yorke plays down to the very last encore-inspired claps, these Israeli groupies know their stuff. As if by some occult happening beyond their control, they can – and will – recite every lyric of even Radiohead's most obscure songs, like "15 Step" and "Faust Arp." PRO: It's great to have them around for your daily dose of random facts about the bassist Jonny Greenwood. CON: You'll have to wait around an extra 2-3 hours after the show in the hopes of meeting the artists backstage. Bring a good book and hunker down. 2. The Snapchatter First there were Polaroids. Then came Nikons. Now, we've come face-to-face or dog-ear-filter-to-dog-ear-filter with the most fleeting form of photography there is: Snapchat. "Hold on! Keep that joint in your mouth and pretend you're Axl Rose, I've got to snap this." "Beiber is singing 'Sorry?' I've got to capture this in a nine second video and send it to my friends so that we can all see it once then lose the moment forever." Now that's how you capture memories that'll last a lifetime. 3. The lost puppy Whether they wandered off in a drunken state of euphoria, suddenly got some liquid confidence and felt this pressing urge to crowd surf towards the front of the stage or simply got lost in their Snapchat story, the lost puppies will come away from the Regina Spektor concert saying, "it was the best o

Top five people you’ll meet on an El Al flight
News

Top five people you’ll meet on an El Al flight

1. The religious man What seems like merely an aircraft for some, is actually a living room, kitchen, and shul for these passengers. The black hats and religious garb are telltale signs of the flight experience to come – complete with discussions about life in an ever-changing Williamsburg and periodic congregations in the rear for prayers (God does not always coordinate with the FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT sign). Should religious controversy arise, remember: why would it be reasonable to expect Israel’s national airline to be any more capable of dealing with theological disputes than the country itself? After all, “it’s not just an airline, it’s Israel!” 2. The overly concerned traveler While everyone around them is trying to stuff a slightly oversized carry-on into the slightly undersized overhead compartment or herd their many children into seats, this person has become a self proclaimed Mossad agent. Last night, they dove deep into the recesses of the internet, and in short, things are not looking good. The four rounds of security did little-to-nothing to assuage their anxiety and clearly, no one can be trusted. The person with the blood shot eyes and single carry on is probably just exhausted from international travel, right? Maybe I should play it safe and alert a flight attendant just in case. 3. The Birthright bunch Regardless of where you a

SEE WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING ON THE BLOGS

An idiot abroad

18 things that will happen to you when you go on Taglit-Birthright
News

18 things that will happen to you when you go on Taglit-Birthright

We've all been there. Or we're on our way there. Or we're already annoyed by the huge clueless Taglit bubble that wanders around Tel Aviv aimlessly like lost puppies. Whatever category you fall into, there's no denying it: Birthright season is upon us. To prepare for the great Jewish migration, I've assembled 18 things that will definitely happen to you while on your 10-day Israel group trip. Why 18? Well, 18 means Chai and if your Bar/Bat Mitzvah (checks) taught you anything, it's that 18 is good luck.   1. You will get scammed into a red string bracelet (whether by a religious man at the Kotel, or a haggler at Shuk HaCarmel).     2. Some boy in the group will have their Bar Mitzvah at a Jewish historical site...every boy in the group will put on tefillin at a Jewish historical site.     3. You will eat falafel at least once a day (twice if you're lucky).     4. You will skinny dip under the stars at a Kibbutz pool. 5. You will hookup (and possibly fall in love) with one of the soldiers on your trip...and wonder if this was an undercover plan to bring more olim to Israel.     6. You will grow accustomed to overpriced Israeli wine that makes boxed wine taste like a dream.     7. You will ride a camel, have the time of your life, and beg your madrich(a) to take it home with you as a pe

When North Americans Google Israel…
News

When North Americans Google Israel…

...the results are absolutely shocking. Only eleven hours away by plane, North Americans are vast oceans apart when it comes to their perception of Israeli culture. Here to answer some hilarious—but legitimate—questions and concerns typed into Google’s search engine is Canadian-born Tel Aviv dweller, Jennifer Greenberg. Is the green line really green? No. Nor is it a visible line. The “line” aspect refers to the demarcation line set out in the 1949 Armistice Agreements between Israel’s armies and those of its neighbors (Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon and Syria) after the 1948 Arab-Israeli war. The “green” aspect refers to the green ink that was used to draw the borders on the map during the armistice talks. So, if you took a detour to the border in search of a thick green line spray-painted along the sand, prepare to be disappointed. The only green lines you’ll find spray-painted across Israel are the graffiti tags of Tel Avivian street artists.    Can I wear shorts in Israel? Though the uninformed tourist may think everyone in Israel is Ultra-Orthodox and the misguiding guidebooks may deem sleeveless shirts and shorts unacceptable, this is very much not the case. Stroll the boardwalks of Tel Aviv and you’ll find people from all walks of life in bikinis, jean shorts and tank tops. Even the term “business casual” barely exists in Israel, where many a workplace are more casual than the Western world. All this to say, with Israel’s Haredi (“Orthodox”) population racking in at aro

14 questions your parents will ask when they visit Israel from abroad
News

14 questions your parents will ask when they visit Israel from abroad

That spit-fire round of ridiculous questions your parents will ask the minute they touch down on arid lands is inevitable. Why not get ahead of the game and pre-prepare your answers to these questions your mother and father will surely ask at some point during their visit to Israel.   1. Is this water drinkable?   2. Where's the rest of the apartment?   3. Do you keep any cleaning products? All I see here are these giant wipes.   4. How much should I tip?   5. Why don't they give us napkins?   6. What's with all the cats? And graffiti?   7. Why does everything taste like black licorice?     8. What's a freier?   9. Are there actual grocery stores too?   10. Where's the green line?   11. Why are they honking at me?   12. How come no one is lining up?   13. Do I need to cover my knees?   14. Is anything open on

26 ways to spot a Canadian in Israel
News

26 ways to spot a Canadian in Israel

Israel is full of Diaspora transplants hailing from all walks of northern life. The warm climate is appealing to colder countries, especially Great White Northerners, who suffer through winters that can last from October to May. While not as loud as their southern neighbours, it's not that difficult to spot a Canuck 'oot and aboot' in the Holy Land, even once they've learned the lingo. Wondering how to recognize a Justin Trudeau loving, maple syrup savvy, three-generation Montreal Canadien hockey fan? Here are the tell-tale signs.     1. They apologize profusely when they bump into you.     2. They line up in single file, even when there isn't a line to wait in.     3. Even if they've lived here for years, they still don't have basic winter wear.     4. They refuse to buy a proper coat because "it's not like the weather is as cold as back home."     5. They are well-accustomed to the concept of loose change in the form of coins.     6. They are the only ones swimming in the Mediterranean in the middle of February.     7. Nonetheless, they're the first to burn when the spring season rolls around.     8. Their winter wardrobe is infinitely better than their summer one.     9. Their infinity scarf collection is on point.     10. They ask for "real" maple syrup at Benedicts.     11. Their A.C. is on full blast, year-round.     12. They've never touched the dood in their lives.     13. They'll give up smoking because weed is just too darn exp

Sex & dating

10 relationship arguments you'll have at least once in Israel this summer
News

10 relationship arguments you'll have at least once in Israel this summer

It's hot. You're bothered. The insatiable Middle Eastern heat has not only put a damper on your style, it has put a damper on your relationship as well. While these may not be relationship deal breakers, you're puppy love is bound to be interrupted by casual 'tiffs while braving Israel's long, drawn-out summer. Don't ditch your partner just yet. Buckle up, and take a deep breath because you're in it for the long haul. Just remember: what doesn't kill you, makes you (both?) stronger.   The Clammy Palm Predicament. There's nothing more romantic than walking hand-in-hand along the beach with the Mediterranean sunset as your backdrop, right? Wrong. Trying to hold onto your partner's sweaty, moist palm is more cringe-worthy than the word 'moist' itself. What did I do to deserve this?   The 'Bussing It' Battle. One of you has had enough of the broiling heat, the other refuses to spend NIS 5.90 on a five-minute bus ride. No one will win.   The Sunscreen Squabble. One is positive they won't burn, even if it's Eilat and the sun is ten times stronger. The other insists on a coat of spray, a thick layer of SPF-50, and 30 minutes of waiting for it to soak in before leaving the hotel room.   The Ice Cream Standoff. While one partner desperately wants Anitas gelato, the other just can't will themselves to cross the line of fire...aka screaming children + stick chocolaty fingers = a white T-shirt's worst enemy.   The Florentin Fight. One of you wants to hit the tourist-packed beac

The 21 toughest things about being single in Tel Aviv
News

The 21 toughest things about being single in Tel Aviv

As we learnt from our speed dating article, being single ain’t all sunshine and lollypops (or free meals and multiple orgasms to be politically correct). It’s a mad world out there, especially for those lone wanderers still looking for Mr. Right (or as the wise Carrie Bradshaw once put it: Mr. Big). Here are a handful of reasons why it sucks to be single in the White City.   1. A sloppy one-night stand with the cute boy from Jerusalem turns into a weekend-long event (since buses don’t run on Shabbat and he’d rather “spend time with you” than brave a sweaty, over-stuffed sherut ride back).   2. The third date qualifies as an appropriate time to meet your date’s parents over a family Shabbat dinner (second if they really like you).   3. Hearing about the incredible apartment your married friends are looking at in the city center — one they can actually afford because they're splitting rent — while you’re paying double for a studio in HaKerem. You thought rent was expensive in Manhattan?   4. Because Tel Aviv is small, you keep bumping into your exes, only to find out that each of them has recently gotten engaged. There’s a reason you blocked them all on Facebook.   5. There is always some beautiful bride-and-groom combination taking wedding photos on the beach at sunset. All you want to do is go for an evening run without being reminded of just how dreadfully single you are.   © Shutterstock   6. Netflix recently got a new feature that not only suggests movies

Word on the street

Word on the Street: 6 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (July 2017)
News

Word on the Street: 6 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (July 2017)

     

Word on the Street: 8 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (August 2017)
News

Word on the Street: 8 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (August 2017)

No thanks, I don't smoke, I just have a pack a day gum habit. HaMinzar   I think AEPi is the national frat of Israel. Shalvata   I was late to work today because my son had to poo. Time Out Israel offices   I'd love to take a boozy bath right now... Maccabiah Street Party - Jaffa   When I wear my spandex bike shorts, I feel like slightly less of a man. Cafelix   She never married, but then again, she is a vegan. Tiv Tam   I prefer women. It's not that I'm fixed to it, it's just a preferation. Time Out Israel offices   How do you do a podcast about yogurt? Bana Overheard any funny exchanges? Write us on Facebook or e-mail us at israel@timeout.com  

Word on the Street: 8 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (September 2017)
News

Word on the Street: 8 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (September 2017)

It was Descartes, he's far from a desperate woman! Beit Hapsanter   Who's the bewildered standbyer? Habima Coffee Kiosk   I'm going to my final MASA event and then going to Shalvata to find someone to have sex with. Sarona Market   I've never once had a good experience in the bathrooms here. Kuli Alma   I don't know how my dad believes in God, and then I look at my mom. Gordon Beach   How do you do a podcast about yogurt? Bana   Or I could be an adult and not eat stale, miniature chocolates. Gan Hapisga   I just want to take off all my clothes and curl up by the computer monitors. Time Out Israel Offices Overheard any funny exchanges? Write us on Facebook or e-mail us at israel@timeout.com

Word on the Street: 7 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (October 2017)
News

Word on the Street: 7 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (October 2017)

He rose above his station, he was like Alexander Hamilton. Edmund   Who needs a boyfriend? All I need is this shirt. Life in Color, Live Park Rishon Lezion   Did you hear Yullia has this new fat melting treatment? For humans or shawarma? Tamara   This girl has some weird things going on with a cucumber, dude. Shuk Tsafon   Drinking champagne at a concert is like going to a concert with earplugs. Coffee Shop 51   If sex taught me anything it’s that it’s not black or white. Lev Cinema   That girl is no one-trick pony. Yeah, she’s a show pony. Dizzy Frishdon

Word on the Street: 7 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (December 2017)
News

Word on the Street: 7 ridiculous things we've overheard in Tel Aviv this month (December 2017)

This printer smells like olives. Time Out Israel Offices   What happens after the first hour?  Are we no longer happy? French 57   Ok, that’s the last festival I go to without a diaper on. Rothschild Allenby Market   Did you get the SMS invitation to my brother’s bar mitzvah? Café Landwer   Want a pickled cucumber? Since when do we crossbreed vegetables? What’s next? Spider pigs? Charles Clore Park   First my scooter broke, and then I crushed my foot thumb. Ichilov Hospital   I’m convinced that the harder I push it, the better it’ll work. You talkin’ about the printer or your sex life? Time Out Israel Offices   Overheard any funny exchanges? Write us on Facebook or e-mail us at israel@timeout.com

Comments

0 comments