Ah, the ol’ Devil’s dance. The beast with two backs. Doing the nasty. Hanky panky. Knocking boots. A bit of crumpet. Four-legged foxtrot. Whittling the love branch. Getting it on. Funny business. Doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango. Harpooning the salty longshoreman. What were we talking about, again? Oh yeah – if you're looking for a place to canoodle in the capital, here’s a list of the best hotels in London for sex. From Camberwell to Clerkenwell and Balham to Bow, there are some great places for you to get your freak on so read, absorb, and be glad that, thanks to our list of the best hotels for sex, you’ll never have to have the words ‘sex hotel London’ languishing incriminatingly in your search history.
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The best hotels for sex
This charming little hotel might seem unassuming at first – good rates, free wifi, a confusing name; the whole shebang – but it has one special feature that makes it especially perfect for whirlwind romances: its day stay option. Check in at 10am, check out at 4pm. It’s probably mostly there for photo shoots or to give hurried business folk somewhere to set up base for the day, but let’s not pretend you can’t find a much, much better use for it.
You know, it’s that one in the big spikey building with the crazy views. The rooms themselves might not exactly be the most romantic around (think sleek rather than sexy) but the novelty of getting it on so high up that you’re bound to receive an honorary membership card from the Mile High Club is just too tempting to pass up. And check out the size of those windows – sure, there’s exhibitionism, but this is something else.
The Rafayel makes the cut for one very particular, 500 square-foot reason: the Emperor Suite. That room comes not only with a glorious view of the Thames and a floor-to-ceiling window to enjoy it with, but also a Jacuzzi bathtub – backed up against a mirrored wall. It’s not too difficult to figure out the intention there, is it?
Each and every room at the W oozes cool. From the decor to the lighting to the undeniably hip cocktail bar overlooking Leicester Square, there’s nowhere better to stay if you’re looking to impress. They’ve also got a ‘Whatever/Whenever’ concierge service that prides itself on how far it’ll go to satisfy the demands of guests. Always worth looking into.
Sanctum Soho might claim to offer ‘comfort, style and sophistication’ in each of its 30 bedrooms, but only one is of any interest here. The BXG suite, set up by Box of Grey, comes complete with a cupboard full of toys and accessories, including a high-end vibrator, restraints, a leather mask, whips, feathers, blindfolds, something called a ‘bondage bow’ and a whole lot more. All you need to do is ask for room 404 – and enjoy.
Suite 210 is where you want to be here. 210th is an erotic luxury brand that set up its first hotel suite at Myhotel Chelsea in 2014. Decked out in black and purple, the room comes packaged with special bath oil, massage oil, a vibrator, satin blindfolds, a number of saucy assignments (which hopefully only sound like sexy, sexy university coursework) and ‘pleasure balls’. No, we don’t know either.
There’s little that’s more romantic than a roaring fire, and the idea of getting down beside one is so timeless that it borders on the cliché. Finding a hotel room with one can, however, be surprisingly tough. Look no further, then, than the Marylebone – in particular, the Terrace suites, which not only include a fire but also a gorgeous wood panelled terrace with views across London. For love as well as lust.
While it may not offer whips or blindfolds, the charming little boutique at 11 Cadogan Gardens does bring a sort of decadent je ne sais quoi to your night of passion. According to the hotel, each room has a different purpose – to charm, to lavish, to attract, to indulge, or in the case of the ridiculously opulent Signature Suite, to relax. We can’t say much for the relaxation aspect, but can guarantee you’ll have never done the deed in a room which looks like that.