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Michael and Austin

Each week, we take two New Yorkers who swear they’re totally undateable, and put our matchmaking skills to the test

Will Gleason
Written by
Will Gleason
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TK

Photograph: Ann Sullivan

Why they’re single:
Michael: The dating market in New York is very competitive, and he can’t get past a third date.
Austin: He's really romantic but can't find anyone who's looking for monogamy.

Ideal date:
Michael: Hitting up a speakeasy or a jazz club
Austin: Grabbing coffee and then seeing an art show 

THE DATE

First impression
Michael: “He seemed really smart. We work in the same field, so we started off talking about our jobs. We talked about indie pop we like and what it’s like to be LGBTQ from the South.”
Austin: “He was pretty nervous right off the bat, so I was steering the conversation. He came across as very straightforward and extremely rational, and I’m not so much.”

Chemistry
Michael: “He was my type. He was well dressed, put together and has a solid job. I think there was romantic chemistry. He asked a lot of questions, which doesn’t always happen.”
Austin: 
“It felt like more of a friendship. I could see us working on a design project together or something, for sure. I would think that we’re on the same page about that.”

Awkward Moment
Michael: “He did say that a problem for him was that he was looking for someone more monogamous, which may have been awkward for someone else, but not for me, really.”
Austin: “I was trying to leave to get home to watch the American Horror Story finale, but then we ended up getting dessert, and then the restaurant gave us a free second dessert.”

Afterward
Michael: “We exchanged numbers, then hugged and said goodbye. So, I guess the first impression was good. I don’t think you’d hug someone if you were like, ‘Ugh, not appealing!’ ”
Austin: “He walked me to my train stop, but then I turned around and the station was closed. We had to go to the next 1-train stop and do it all again. Thanks, MTA!”

Verdict
Michael: ♥♥ “I can’t tell where he’s at with it. If he wasn’t into it, I don’t want to be like, ‘Five hearts! You have to call me back now!’ But I’d love to go on another date.” Austin: ♥♥ “I’m very open, and I could tell he was more reserved and shy. I’m not over the moon, but he was a really nice guy. I would go on a second date with him.”

Our daters went to Harold's (2 Renwick St., 212-390-8484)

RECOMMENDED: See more Undateables

Want to be set up on a free blind date? Email undateable@timeout.com.

Looking for some cheap date ideas?

  • Sports and fitness
  • Sports & Fitness

If your date can't volley some jokes while gently hitting a plastic ball across the table, well, maybe that's a foul. See if you two hit it off over a game of table tennis at Ping Pod. These 24/7 ping pong pods are popping up all over NYC. Pricing ranges from $15-$50/session depending on demand (be sure to book online in advance).

We recommend trying the Astoria location so that after you've worked up an appetite, you can walk a few blocks to The Freakin Rican for one of the city's best cheap eats: The $4.25 alcapurrias. 

Set you back: $25+

  • Museums
  • Art and design
  • The Bronx
  • price 1 of 4

Grab some lunch at 188 Bakery Cuchifritos in the Bronx, a casual lunch counter focusing on all things pork with recipes of Puerto Rican and Dominican provenance. Cuchifritos are the fan-favorite, the standout morcilla (aka blood sausage) in particular — and it's only $2.

Then, head a few subway stops uptown to the Bronx Museum of the Arts where you can see more than 1,000 works of art and imrpess your date with just how cultured you are. The Bronx Museum of the Arts is always free to visit. 

Set you back: $15

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  • Attractions
  • Parks and gardens
  • Chelsea

Stroll The High Line with your sweetie, a place of respite among the concrete jungle. While this spot is most popular during the warm months, its fun to visit any time of year. 

Don't miss the rotating works of sculpture and art by different artists every season. Also keep an eye out for free star gazing nights and lively cultural happenings like Latin dance nights. The best part, however, has to be the people watching: Grab a seat on the stairs over looking busy Tenth Avenue and see locals and visitors from all walks of life milling their way about the city.

Set you back: FREE

  • Bars
  • Breweries
  • Williamsburg

If you and your sweetheart are major beer enthusiasts, Brooklyn Brewery hosts an intimate tour (no more than 30 souls), where you can geek out and get an exclusive look around the joint. The informative guide not only gives you an in-depth history lesson about the brewery, but a beer tasting along the way.

And you won’t walk away empty-handed either: all participants leave with a complimentary souvenir glass, so you’ll have a little something to remember the date by (besides the hangover.)

Sets you back: $48+ (tours start at $24/person)

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  • Movie theaters
  • Independent
  • East Williamsburg
  • price 2 of 4

This overrated date night comes in handy, especially when the cost is dirt cheap. Unlike other movie theaters, Syndicated lets you wine and dine while you watch a classic flick. Get this: movie tickets are just $9 apiece. And since the movie is so affordable, you can schmooze your date by splurging on some gourmet popcorn from the concession stand.

Sets you back: $18+

Dessert and nerdery
Photograph: Lizz Kuehl

Dessert and nerdery

It’s been scientifically proven that nothing in the known universe is more romantic than pie. At Gowanus go-to Four & Twenty Blackbirds, two slices of shop faves like salted apple caramel or grapefruit custard will cost about $12. (Arrive early in the evening, as they tend to sell out.)

Then, fill your head with, you know, actual scientifically proven knowledge at the Bell House for a free dance party or a show like Secret Science Club. Tip: Bring someone geeky to this, lest you seem…like a total geek.

Sets you back: $12

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  • Bars
  • Pubs
  • Park Slope

No matter how tight your budget, you can still get loose on the dance floor at Park Slope's Union Hall. Free dance parties go down most Saturday nights, featuring DJs spinning old-school hip-hop crowd pleasers and heavy-hitters at midnight. Check out the drink specials and definitely split a basket of fries ($7) or wings ($13)—served until midnight —before you hit the dance floor.

Sets you back: $20

Graphic Love Stories
Photograph: Courtesy Desert Island

Graphic Love Stories

Nerd is the new cool and nothing says nerdtastic like a good comic book. Geeky sweethearts, make your way to Williamsburg's quaint comic book store, Desert IslandDiscover each other's favorites or grab a copy of Smoke Signal, the shop's free anthology.

Sets you back: FREE

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Cans o’ beer and lush gardens
Photograph: Courtesy Marlborough Gallery/Richard Estes

Cans o’ beer and lush gardens

Enjoy the city’s cheapest booze cruise and panoramic views of lower Manhattan aboard the Staten Island Ferry, where domestic cans are in the $5 range.

Once ashore in Staten Island, take an eight-minute bus ride and tour the grand estates and lovely waterfront grounds of Snug Harbor Cultural Center and Botanical Garden, originally established as a retirement estate for sailors in 1801. Tickets cost $5/person.

Sets you back: $30

Nature and history in the Bronx
Photograph: Francis Smith

Nature and history in the Bronx

Seeing an outdoorsy guy or gal but don’t have the gas money to drive upstate? Fortunately, there’s ample natural beauty to explore in Van Cortlandt Park. The secluded banks of Van Cortlandt Lake (in the southwest region) are begging for a quiet but passionate make-out session.

Post-smooching, stop by the Van Cortlandt House Museum ($5/person), just west of the lake. Its 1740s stone edifice hosted George Washington twice in the midst of the Revolutionary War, and the current interior features re-creations of furnishings favored by the abode’s namesake, the rich merchant and mayor Jacobus Van Cortlandt.

Sets you back: $10

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