Courtesy CC/Flickr/Susan Sermoneta
Courtesy CC/Flickr/Susan Sermoneta

Are people who FaceTime while walking down the street literally insane?

This is what’s driving us bonkers in NYC right now and making us (almost) want to move

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We live in a walk-and-talk kind of town—I get it. When I’m on my morning commute or running between meetings, you can bet your ass I’m using that precious time to “catch up on calls,” which is code for “calling my mother.” However, I see more and more people roaming the streets while FaceTiming. This behavior is unacceptable.

RECOMMENDED: See more New York rants

Listen, I can understand that the occasional tourist would want to share their trip to the Best City on Earth through the lens of their iPhone for someone back home. But this is not what’s happening here. These distracted lollygaggers are always discussing some meaningless nonsense (personally, my conversations are witty, informative and brief) with some groggy pal in a disheveled bed right here in the tristate area.

While I get the allure of a face-to-face convo, these FaceTimers are pinballing into pedestrians and completely ignoring the flow of traffic. Must I get bumped around so that you can whisper sweet nothings to your boyfriend in Yonkers?

Let’s bring back the days when New Yorkers just obnoxiously shouted into their phones with a robust disregard for others. At least then they would see where they were going.

Not all of NYC is annoying!

  • Things to do
  • Classes and workshops

Put down the grocery list and head into the weeds. Queens County Farm Museum hosts Wild Eating, a hands-on introduction to foraging with Tess Fleming, the farm’s in-house botanist and horticulturalist. During the hour-long class on September 17, beginners will learn to identify edible weeds and plants growing around the farm in late summer, with snacks included along the way. It’s designed for complete newcomers, so no prior foraging experience is required—just a willingness to reconsider what counts as lunch.

Tickets cost $40 and the class begins at 5:30pm.

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Climate change gets the performance-art treatment in Reservoir, an interdisciplinary work blending lecture, theatre and embodied testimony to examine Chile’s ongoing water crisis. Directed and performed by María José Contreras, the piece focuses on Santiago’s increasingly precarious water supply, connecting the retreat of Andean glaciers with the country’s unusual legal framework governing water rights—like a water code enacted during the dictatorship that privatized water. Part of the Citizen Arts Festival, the free performance at Barnard Movement Lab (3009 Broadway) takes place September 17 and 18 at 6:30pm. Donations are welcome, but advance RSVP is required.

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  • Events & Festivals

Bed-Stuy is getting seven straight days of dance, drumming, wellness and live performance when the Art Is Alive Festival returns for its 10th anniversary.

Presented by the Asase Yaa Cultural Arts Foundation—which is marking its own 25th anniversary—the free festival will run from Sunday, September 13, through Saturday, September 19, at Asase Yaa School of the Arts, located on MacDonough Street between Malcolm X Boulevard and Patchen Avenue. This year’s theme, “Rooted 10 Years Deep,” pays tribute to the residents, families, artists and cultural leaders who have helped sustain the event over the past decade.

Programming includes free 90-minute classes spanning West African and Caribbean dance, percussion and wellness. The entire week builds toward the festival’s second annual block party, which will take over the neighborhood from noon to 7pm on Saturday, September 19. 

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  • Things to do

Before she was a Disney star with a sidekick, Mulan was a powerful, beloved figure in Chinese culture. Now her story gets the appropriately epic treatment, with China Ningbo Performance & Arts Group's award-winning dance drama making its New York debut at the David H. Koch Theater September 18 through 20. The show retells the legendary heroine’s story through classical Chinese dance, martial arts and some seriously grand theatrical design (as in, a 49-foot revolving stage). Not to mention an original score blending traditional Chinese instruments with symphonic music (sorry, no "I'll Make a Man Out of You" in this version) to turn Mulan’s journey from dutiful daughter to warrior into a full-scale spectacle.

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Blow, Gabriel, blow! Trumpet tunes get a modern makeover at the Festival of New Trumpet Music, an annual celebration dedicated to the artists who are taking the instrument in new directions. Founded by trumpeter Dave Douglas, the celebration (known as FONT) brings together emerging and established musicians for a week of concerts, workshops and special projects across New York City. More than two decades in, the fest continues to champion boundary pushers, making it a good bet for anyone who thinks jazz sounds better when it comes with a side of rule-breaking.

Things kick off on September 14 with Pablo Masis’ Sparks at 7pm and Jim Seeley Quintet at 8pm. Wrapping it up on September 20 is Volker Goetze Quartet from 7 to 9pm. Check the festival site for the latest schedule of everything in between. There is a mix of free and ticketed events, with the latter ranging from $20 to $33.

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  • Things to do
  • Concerts

Plantasia is calling, and if your ideal music festival involves synthesizers, plants and exactly zero bros asking where the afterparty is, you'll want to answer. Celebrating the 50th anniversary of Mort Garson's cult-classic album Mother Earth's Plantasia, the festival, which runs September 19 and 20, transforms Kingston's Seed Song Farm into a dreamy weekend of ambient music, botanical workshops, plant shopping and the first-ever live orchestral performance of the album. Your houseplants will be green with envy.

You can purchase a weekend pass for $151 or a single-day ticket for $82 if you've got other plans.

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  • Recommended

This year more than ever, New York’s climate conversation is gonna get very loud. Climate Week NYC returns September 20 through 27 with more than 1,000 events across the city and over 100,000 expected attendees. Organized by Climate Group alongside the United Nations General Assembly, the week brings together global leaders, business executives, policymakers, activists and communities to talk about the climate crisis and, ideally, plan to do something about it.

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Textiles are a lot more than couture or the fabric you're sitting on right now—assuming you're on the couch. Untethered Works, a new exhibit at the Textile Art Gallery (529 W 20th St, 6th Fl.), brings together contemporary artists exploring what happens when fiber escapes its traditional boundaries. Artists Peggy Black, Julia Graziano and Sarah Pavlik showcase works that push fabric, thread and other materials into sculptural, tactile and often unexpectedly expressive territory. Forget what you think you know about embroidery—these artists treat textiles as a serious medium for abstraction and experimentation.

There are also two special events on September 10 in celebration of New York Textile Month XI: a talk with the artists midday, and the opening reception in the early evening. All events are free, just register online.

  • Things to do

Sometimes karaoke just doesn't cut it. For those who want the joy and release that singing provides, but maybe need to feel a little more confident doing it, there's The Sing Easy. An 80-minute guided group voice session led by NYC voice educator and artist Jess McAvoy, the evening uses breathwork, vocal play and easy-to-learn original songs to help participants explore their voices. No singing experience or music reading abilities required—just show up and make a joyful noise. Sessions take place at Sprout Society (26 Scott Ave.) in Brooklyn and on 150 West 28th Street, suite 303, in Manhattan through December. 

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