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26 ways to not be a dickhead in Sydney

Written by
Time Out editors

It's really easy to not be one, here's how:

1. Save your car horn for its actual purpose, not because the car in front of you can't hear you going "tsk" with your mouth.

2. Don't complain about how getting to Bondi or Parramatta is too hard and can’t your mates just meet you in the city? Get the train you dooley.

3. Get to the front of the line at Gelato Messina or Cow and Moon absolutely ready to order, no one likes a flavour waffler. 

4. Jog in the bike/rollerblade lane at Centennial Park by all means but prepare to share, don't barge.

5. Please stop moving in next door to live music venues and complaining about the noise.

6. Pushing your way onto a train, tram or bus without waiting for people to disembark should be a punishable offence. Ditto not thanking your driver on the latter.

7. Attending a yoga class and taking your smartphone in is pretty up there, especially if you keep  the ringer on or let your Instagram stories play through so you can view them while you downward dog, ya dog. 

8. Avoid the great Sydney vs. Melbourne debate at all costs. First off, you’ve just fallen right into a trap. Second, we all know which city is better.

9. If you tweet about how on point Miranda Devine’s column was today we can't be friends. 

10. Please, if you're going to walk three-abreast, slowly, in the city, at lunch time or right after work, expect some huffing and puffing behind you and move out of the way for the speed walkers.

11. Don't be the drongo who boasts about how you never head north over the bridge, despite the fact you often willingly spend over an hour in traffic getting to Watsons Bay.

12. Work in arenas that aren't as a parking ranger or as an Opal inspector. 

13. Take your selfie stick on holidays but please don't flounce it around in an art gallery.

14. Use a fast lane at Prince Alfred Park Pool… and swim fast. Use the free play lane and flop about all you want. 

15. If you eat at a food court pick up your rubbish and put it in the bins. Don't leave it all sprawled out because it's "someone else's job".

16. Don't waste your time bemoaning the fact that cafés in Sydney require a 45-minute wait, we all know. Ditto complaining that a small restaurant in Chinatown is too crowded/staff are too brisk/queue is too long – delicious and cheap meals are the greatest reward. 

17. Attend anti-development rallies, be on side with inner city public housing. Help save the library in Waterloo, or the Sirius building, and do your part for rough sleepers in Woolloomooloo. Find somewhere local to volunteer.

18. Attend a Vivid Ideas talk on ethical fashion and then actually resist a binge shop at Zara.

19. Complain that the Great Barrier Reef sucks now, as you suck on a plastic straw on the beach at Redleaf.

20. Embrace the fact you secretly listen to Smooth FM on your morning commute. Those Robbie Williams slow jams are nothing to be ashamed of.

21. Make a human shield to protect others on the light rail from inspectors.

22. Understand queer parties are safe spaces and check yourself and others around you. When you're that transphobic, homophobic, racist, and sexist idiot on the dancefloor you ruin it for everyone (and you're a piece of shit).

23. Leave your surfboard in the car or at home, bringing it into the office is pretty ostentatious.

24. Charge less than $5 for a takeaway coffee.

25. Don't take a shit on the pavement just because the three ensuites in your Point Piper mansion are occupied and your yacht is moored all the way at Rose Bay.

26. Don't complain that Sydney's nightlife sucks if you haven't left your house after 6pm since 2014.

Phew. There are still plenty of things that make living in Sydney truly great, dickheads aside. Here's our Sydney Bucket List to prove it.

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