It’s pretty rich, after millennia of being denied the privilege by folks who would rather persecute us or pretend we didn’t exist, for us queers to be told we’re not doing marriage properly. Especially when so many of our gatekeepers seem thoroughly miserable, trapped in their rigid interpretation or racing towards the 40 per cent divorce club.
Australian Open, by For Love Nor Money playwright Angus Cameron, smashes this hypocrisy right in the double fault.
Sounds deuce-y. Who’s involved?
Playing at Theatre Works as part of the queer arts cornucopia that is the Midsumma Festival, Australian Open stars a beautifully matched Sebastian Li and Eddie Orton as Felix and Lucas, a loved-up couple who certainly push each other’s buttons.
The former is a teeny bit high drama/maintenance and is smarting at turning 31. Felix kinda wanted a quiet night in all to themselves, especially as Lucas just lost to Roger Federer in Melbourne’s grand slam and is suddenly way more available. Alas, Lucas’ parents, Belinda and Pete, have crashed the party.
As played by the magnificently arch Jane Montgomery Griffiths and an adorably chipper Alec Gilbert, the ‘rentals consider themselves proud allies, even if they do have a habit of air-quoting the gay away. But when the lads let slip that they’ve no intention of closing off their open relationship if and when they marry, mum and dad can’t quite cope with this new information.
While we’re on curveballs, this heated rivalry is keenly observed from on high by Felix’s sharp-shooting sister, Annabelle. Played with cutting sass by Melissa Kahraman, she’s perched in an umpire’s chair, leaning into judging. Only she’s not literally there. She’s actually a particle physicist working way down somewhere deep below the Swiss mountains – presumably at CERN.
As with the rest of her family, she has a few opinions, even if she has to phone them in.
Who’s behind the scenes?
Adeptly corralled by director Riley Spadaro (La Cage aux Folles), they have a sure handle on the spiralling chaos that spills out of these loving, if occasionally begrudging, folks. All sorts pops up when they start thinking carefully about what their hearts really want.
Maybe Felix feels a little more unsure of himself than he’s letting on? Is tennis really everything that Lucas wants? And why does Felix’s dad want to hang out with him topless on court? Maybe mum took The Sound of Music a little too seriously when they started singing 'Climb Ev’ry Mountain'.
Essentially a drawing room play, it’s a hoot to behold as this mirthfully-minded debate spins out on set and costume designer Harry Gill’s cleverly multi-layered stage, adopting the look of a Melbourne-blue court, though one hung over by a glimmer of disco balls which composer and lighting designer Jack Burmeister loves to ignite, his pulsing score accompanied by Madonna and Kylie bops.
Gill decks the cast in tennis whites, too, which is super funny when things start to get messy after too many bubbles, Aperol Spritzes, fresh oysters and stale monogamy debate.
Game, set, watch?
Absolutely! With a penchant for cheekily served innuendo, Australian Open rattles along at an astonishing rate, firing jokes left, right and centre court. A fabulously en pointe screwball comedy, it swings in the capable backhands of this perfect ensemble.
Cameron’s witty back-and-forth wordplay is perfectly served by the core doubles match. Belinda and Pete’s pat defence of monogamy as the only acceptable approach to marriage is further agitated by the ambitious Lucas. Athletic in both mind and body, he works up a quick mathematical guesstimate of 800 lovers and counting.
You can see Belinda and Pete’s minds implode, even as they begin to wonder if they, too, can have it all, rather than settle for the monotony to which they’ve become accustomed.
Surely the ‘until death do us part’ contract can be renegotiated? After all, Belinda’s a management consultant who’s used to strip mining companies down to their bare bones and rebuilding them. And Pete usually just does what he’s told, as long as he can fiddle with his electric eskie.
If Annabelle’s monologues about quantum mechanics feel slightly surplus to requirement, it’s no matter when Cameron’s serves are this sparkling, with this version of Australian Open trimmer than its test match at MTC’s Cybec Electric series way back in 2019.
Who will love Australian Open?
Anyone who can laugh at themselves as much as anyone else. And if you’re super into wedding bells and being with no one else, don’t worry. All angles get a great workout here. Felix and Lucas don’t have all the answers, though you will root for the perfectly paired Li and Orton in this rom-comedy of errors. But maybe you’ll root for Belinda’s Eat, Pray, Love awakening even more.
'Australian Open' is on now at Theatre Works as part of Midsumma Festival until January 31, 2026. For more information and to book tickets, head to the website.
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