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33 things that Melburnians would never say

Written by
Rose Johnstone

Melbourne is a city of many surprises. Who among us was expecting brinner festivals, beer yoga or weird cheeseburger soups? But while we've become used to the unexpected, we'd bet all our avocados that you'll never, ever hear Melburnians utter these phrases. 

1. “That’s like, Cup Day levels of classiness.”

2. “Oh, this old thing? I bought it at Chadstone: The Fashion Capital.”

3. “I just prefer drinking closer to the ground.”

4. “Sure, I’m happy to work a shift the morning after Meredith!”

5. “Holy shit, it’s Eddie McGuire! Do you think he’ll get a selfie with me?”

6. “Are you kidding me? For $22 I could’ve made this Negroni at home!”

7. “I’ve saved up enough money for 20 home loans.”

8. “Seriously though, does anyone actually go to the Winter Night Market?”

9. “She’s so unique with her septum piercing.”

10. “Those taxi drivers have a fair point, and I respect their right to protest.”

11. “Let’s have a massive one in Travancore tonight.”

12. “I’m sick of poke.”

13. “I miss Stereosonic.”

14. “Mel-born.”

15. “I love that mullets are coming back in style.”

16. “I don’t like to dress like everyone else, so I buy my clothes from Gorman.”

17. “I’ll have a chai latte, please.”

18. “Look! Eureka Tower!”

19. “Do you have anything with gluten?”

20. “I’m so glad that the ugly old pub at the end of my street is turning into apartments.”

21. “Who rents anymore?”

22. “This collection of seemingly disparate individuals congregating at a tram stop seem like they belong together.”

23. “I’ve got this revolutionary idea to open a burger joint on wheels! A truck that sells food, if you will!”

24. “That guy at the footy eating a cheeseboard has made a poor life decision.”

25. “What? You’ve never been on the Neighbours tour?”

26. “Tell me more about your web design start-up.”

27. “Your beautiful pan-flute tunes make my Bourke Street shopping experience so pleasant. Do you sell CDs?"

28. “I guess I’m just lucky – my housemates and I have never had a single argument.”

29. “This might sound crazy, but have you ever thought that Melbourne is quite, y’know, liveable?”

30.I’m really stressed out at the moment, so I reckon I’ll head down to the Night Noodle Markets to chill out.”

31. “A bright green latte? Black buns on a burger? I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING SO UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.”

32. “I’ll just wait and see if there are tickets to the cheese festival on the day.”

33. “I’m over dachshunds and dachshund-based events.”

For more Melbourne-based LOLs, check out the 29 stupid questions Melburnians are sick of being asked.

Here are 17 ways to tell you're a Melbourne snob.

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