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[title]You might put on a good show, Sydneysiders, but deep down, you know the following to be fundamental facts. And that’s OK! We encourage you to embrace these sometimes daggy, sometimes basic, but always accurate facets of our city. We see you, Sydney. Fight us if it ain’t so.
Before you face the cold hard truth bombs coming your way, why not check out Sydney tourist attractions that actually don't suck?
The ibis is actually strangely beautiful
They may be considered sub-pigeon level vermin of the sky here in Sydney, but there’s a good reason out-of-towners ‘Ooo’ and ‘Ahhh’ over the humble bin chicken. That slow and stately gait, the long, elegantly tapered beak, that chic monochromatic plumage; forget for a minute that they live off garbage and objectively speaking, the ibis is a looker, in its own, scaly-skinned way. And even if we can’t sell you on that point, consider this: they’re a true-blue Aussie battler, a bona fide folk hero – living off their (albeit limited) wits, surviving against the odds. They’re the Waltzing Matlidas and Ned Kellys of the bird kingdom, and an unsung national treasure in our humble opinion.
It is, in fact, worthwhile crossing the Harbour
Sydney isn’t the first city to suffer from a north-south complex. And arguably, it’s less of a ‘Jets vs Sharks’ type scenario compared to some other places; in Melbourne, you’re likely to be shivved the second you head south of the Yarra, or at least that’s what our friends from north of the river tell us. Here, our particular issue is less about ideology and more about laziness. But listen up, you’re missing out on Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park, the Northern Beaches, Balmoral, Mosman, and a whole lot more.
Bowlos can often be heaps more fun than a swanky cocktail bar
We love sipping on a muscatel-infused Amontillado Sherry Sour with plum botrytis, fig vinegar and burnt orange foam as much as the next person. But sometimes, the good time you’re in search of involves wearing no shoes, rolling some wobbly balls around some grass and crushing a few schooners with your mates. Sydney has a fabulous cocktail scene with some top-flight talent behind the bar and we sure do love them dearly, but there’s no shame in getting back to the bowlo basics every now and then. We particularly love the Petersham Bowlo.
Bottomless brunch is probably a bad idea
Drinking heavily in public before noon used to be a speedy way to earn yourself an intervention, but then one day, some bright spark threw freshly squeezed OJ and smashed avo on toast into the mix and voila, a breakfast revolution was born. And boy, did Sydney commit to this brave new way to brunch; perhaps more than any other city in Australia, brunches have gone bottomless all over town. And we’ll concede, it can be a fun way to say YOLO to the morning (and let’s be honest, the rest of the day). But unless you’re really determined to get blackout drunk by lunchtime and hungover AF by dinner, surely you’re better off just ordering a cheeky Mimosa or two over brekkie and calling it quits?
If another Inner West brewery makes an IPA we're going to scream
Ok, we know that Sydney has one heck of a craft beer bar scene and that's fabulous. We even wrote a list of our favourites. But if we have to choke down one more hoppy flower beer we're going to call the whole thing off. We live for a fancy beer moment and it's terribly exciting sinking a coupla frothy ones direct from the source but honestly, at what point is enough, enough? Eight per cent beers that leave you belted and bloated really aren't as much fun as an all-dayer session beer.
Sydney’s trains really aren’t that bad
If you’re rolling your eyes at this one, is there any chance you don't know how good you’ve got it? Even within Australia, Sydney’s mellow yellow, double-decker carriage trains are a world apart from some states' scrawny interstate equivalents. And how about those reversible seats? A masterstroke of engineering that we all take for granted. And then there’s the picture-postcard views. Just riding the city circle, the view from Circular Quay of the Coathanger and the Opera House is a reminder of just what a stunner of a city we live in. And if you prefer your outlooks less urban, you can travel from Central to Kiama in less than two hours, where you can drink in some of the most spectacular sights in the state.
You will always get lost at Bondi Junction
Bondi Junction is kind of like all those moving staircases at Hogwarts – you think you’re on the elevator that leads you to David Jones, but suddenly you’re in front of a niche tea shop and an eyebrow-threading salon you’ve never seen before. There are just so many elevators, all emerging in different parts of the suburb, like a giant game of whack-a-mole – and don’t even get us started on the parking lot. The car was definitely at P11, but P11 seems to have been replaced with a trolley bay and a Sephora.
Chippendale and Haymarket are not real suburbs
Surburbia is a very real place, and it does not exist bang in the middle of the city. These imposter “suburbs” are just CBD offshoots. It’s time to own up to the fact that Chippo and Haymo (just go with it) are co-opting the concept of being suburbs, while actually just functioning as extensions of the sprawling Sydney CBD, complete with total accessibility by public transport, masses of commuters and office workers, and towering high-rises. Look, we’re not really sure why we're making an issue of this, but we're just putting it out there.
"Sydney is dead" can be a good excuse for staying in on the couch
Sydney's nightlife did suffer under the lockout laws and lockdowns, we won’t deny it. But if you were really determined to have a good time after dark in this town, we know from the hard 'going out' that we do for our jobs, that this is no longer out of reach. Sydney still being "dead" is now just a good excuse for throwing on some tracky dacks and smashing a bottle of wine in front of Netflix on a Saturday night.
Bondi is actually a pretty good beach
Any Sydney local worth their salt will have several recommendations for harbour beaches so secluded and off the beaten track, that there’s a very good chance you might never be seen again. But, as inconvenient as being lost in the wilderness might be, it’s infinitely preferable to enduring the sweaty, plebby masses at Bondi, amiright? Devil's advocate – sure, it’s a tourist trap, and it can get crowded (even when a viral apocalypse was looming), but it is the Sydney beach for good reason; a true icon of our city and an undeniably beautiful one to boot. Retreat to the North Bondi ocean pool or Icebergs if you really can’t stand the crush, but don’t write this world-class sandy stretch off completely.
You probably don't actually know what's inside the Opera House
You’ve seen the Sydney Opera House, stood next to it, sailed past it, gotten drunk by it, snapped some selfies with it, seen light shows projected on it, and generally appreciated that it is the synonymous symbol of our city. But do you really know about all the things inside there? Arguably the most famous building in the world, instantly recognised around the globe, draws millions of people every year. And yet, only a fraction of them (including you) ever go to see a performance at one of its five venues (yep, five performance spaces: the Concert Hall, the Joan Sutherland Theatre, the Drama Theatre, the Studio and the Utzon Recital Room). Do yourself a favour and buy a ticket – any ticket – so you can tick off a show at this legendary venue off your bucket list.
You secretly love stickybeaking on rich people’s houses when you're on the ferry
No matter what route you take, a trip on a harbour ferry is going to whisk you by some damn ritzy, far-from-humble abodes. After all, the big blue heart of our city offers (quite literally) multi-million dollar views. If you’re new to Sydney, taking one of your first trips out on the harbour, you’re going to be dewy-eyed at it all – the beautiful water, the stunning scenery, the boats and yachts and of course, those ridiculously extra harbourside mansions. But if this is your regular commute, you’re desensitised to all that, you barely bother looking up from your phone anymore, right? C’mon, admit it – who doesn’t secretly enjoy a bit of rubbernecking on how the other half lives? Embrace your nosiness and ogle those luxury pads with pride.
We're not loyal to our suburbs, we're just afraid to drive through the CBD
If you've ever heard the adage that we live in our suburb bubbles because of an intense loyalty to our blocks, you wouldn't be the first. However, if you've ever actually tried to leave your bubble by car you'll know that our dizzyingly confusing alleys and one-way streets are more of a labrynth than the Minotaur's digs and it's simply not worth the white-knuckle road rage we feel in our cores when trying to navigate the CBD.
You've never actually had lunch at Bill & Toni's
At one stage in every Sydneysider's life, a conversation about Bill & Toni's – the no-frills Italian joint on Stanley Street that's been serving up cheep and cheerful meals since 1960 – will pop up in a pub courtyard. Murmers, giggles and wistful moans of nostalgia will wash over the table. You'll pipe up about wooden salad bowls and the cooler of unlimited Cottee's orange cordial, but you've got a secret. You've never been to Bill & Toni's and now it's too late to back out of the lie. Let's just hope there aren't any follow-up questions and, if there are, you'd best pop to the bar to grab the next round.