The best crazy golf in London

Swingers West End is the second of it’s kind, and like it’s sibling in the city, it’s got a nine-hole course to knock your balls into. For the Helter Skelter course, there’s a lot of loops that will have you going round in circles. On the Big Wheel course, things are just as tricky, with miniature mounds that’ll make you feel like a real hill-seeker. An ode to the English Riviera, Swingers West End has beach huts and bandstands – plus lush palms for added ‘Miami Vice’ vibes. Think of your best childhood seaside holiday, then add booze.

Where is it? 15 John Prince’s Street, right by Oxford Street tube

How much for a round? From £10

There's a real sense of fun to this deliberately rough-around-the-edges course. Party tunes blare from speakers, graffiti jazzes up the walls and it's made from 'twisted junk, car booty and charity shop shizzle'. There are four themes – Bruce, Pablo, Gary and Bozo – inspired by blockbuster movies, Carnival, the jungle and a scrapyard challenge. 

Where is it? Dray Walk, Old Truman Brewery

How much for a round? From £10.50 per person. Fridays and Saturdays strictly 18+

Plonk is taking over the world. Seriously, this quirky, tiki-themed course first popped up in Efes, a Turkish pool-hall-come-late-night-bar, in April 2015. Now, there are several Plonks knocking about: there’s one in Hackney, Brixton, Islington, Battersea, Brighton, London Zoo and even Berlin! This UV masterpiece features a bundle of bright decor, from glowing volcanoes with neon orange magma, spinning disco lights, and a euro-house soundtrack that is possibly best described as: ‘Nu Rave Polynesian Luau.’ There are some nice holes that fire your ball onto tricksy little mechanisms, a loop the loop, and a lot of impossibly steep ramps. All in all: it’s a great place for a plonking party.

Where is it? The People's Park Tavern, 360 Victoria Park Road

How much for a round? From £7 per person for 1 round

If Michael Crichton had written about DNA cloning’s miraculous potential to create putting hazards, this is what 'Jurassic Park' would’ve been like. Right down to the theme tune they blare from the speakers every 20 minutes or so. The holes mightn’t be the most challenging, but the course’s fringing is awesome: velociraptors loom from lakes of blood and giant diplodocus stand stark against the skyline as animatronic dinos bark at golfers. 

Where is it? World of Golf, New Malden

How much for a round? From £10 for adults. Second go is half-price

Expect high-pitched company at this 18-hole Croydon course – it’s so child-friendly that club hire takes place at a gift shop full of plastic swords, axes and daggers-slash-bubble wands. Pathways are stamped with luminous green dragon footprints, one hole’s set in a massive castle turret, there’s a dragon’s tail jutting from the top of a replica waterfall and there’s a giant trebuchet in the midst of the course (obvs). Be warned: one hole involves you sinking a ball while a speaker pipes a deafening squeal of serpent rage into your ear. Even St George would struggle with that one.

Where is it? World of Golf Croydon, 175 Long Lane

How much for a round? 'Dragons' aged 12+ for £8

A new and improved crazy golf extravaganza, and part of Sidcup Family Golf (formerly World of Golf). Mr Mulligans Dino Golf is a prehistoric adventure course, with 36 perilous holes that are roaring fun. It's wacky, silly, and also pretty damned tricky: expect to find yourself chipping balls onto a small shelf, over rapids, and facing other challenges that are a total pain in the putt. 

Where is it? Sidcup Family Golf, A20, Sidcup Bypass

How much for a round? 'Adventurers' (Adults) for £9

There’s no real theme to this Battersea Park-based course, unless you count “AstroTurf”, “rockery” or “crap, I lost my ball in that water feature!” Nonetheless it’s so popular that even on a midweek daytime, people were waiting for torrential rain to finish so they could hit the course (although possibly this is due to the trendy bar cum cafe cum wood-fired pizzeria it’s attached to. Expect mini bridges, weird divots and rogue streamlets to avoid on a course that’s fairly no-frills, but still plenty fun. They also have very similar courses in Wandsworth and Acton.

Where is it? Battersea Park, Albert Bridge Road

How much for a round? From £10 for adults 

The once pop-up, putting-course-cum-bar, street-food emporium that kick-started the crazy golf trend has gone permanent. There are two nine-hole courses, food stalls from Le Bab, Patty & Bun and Pizza Pilgrims. The courses are less madcap than most of the city’s offerings, tending towards a slicker night-out experience, but nonetheless, there’s still a loop-the-loop. And an automatically rotating lighthouse. And a windmill with spinning blades. And a tree that’s filled with lights that flash when you putt into the final hole. 

Where is it? 8 Brown’s Buildings (between St Mary Axe and Bury Street)

How much for a round? From £10 per person per nine-hole round

After you’ve finished your shopping at Westfield London, head downstairs for the craziest game of golf you’ve ever played. Crowned the world’s first hi-tech mini golfing concept, Puttshack uses ground-breaking tech to spice up your standard game of mini-golf. And top it all off, the island bar and dining area boasts delicious meals and an extensive list of rum cocktails to aid your celebrations or commiserations.

Where is it? Westfield London, Ariel Way

How much for a round? £12.50 for an adult game during peak times, £7.50 off-peak

Yep: this is golf on a rooftop, on a multi-storey car park in Stratford, to be precise. There's a hole where you have to get your ball up a half-pipe ramp, elevated putting action and lots of trying to get your ball to travel through long metal tubes onto putting greens. Plus, there's a bar, DJs and street food in the summer iteration of Roof East. Literally living the high life. Birdies Crazy Golf will be back in summer 2019. 

Where is it? Roof East, Stratford 

How much for a round? A rooftop round costs from £8