The best crazy golf in London

Swingers West End is the second of its kind, and like its sibling in the city, it’s got a nine-hole course to knock your balls into. For the Helter Skelter course, there are a lot of loops that will have you going round in circles. On the Big Wheel course, things are just as tricky, with miniature mounds that’ll make you feel like a real hill-seeker. An ode to the English Riviera, Swingers West End has beach huts and bandstands – plus lush palms for added ‘Miami Vice’ vibes. It’s basically like your best seaside holiday, but with more booze.

Where is it? 15 John Prince’s Street, right by Oxford Street tube

How much for a round? Prices start at £12. 

There's a real sense of fun to this deliberately rough-around-the-edges course. Party tunes blare from speakers, graffiti jazzes up the walls and it's made from 'twisted junk, car booty and charity shop shizzle'. There are four themes – Bruce, Pablo, Gary and Bozo – inspired by blockbuster movies, Carnival, the jungle and a scrapyard challenge. There's also a second location in Camden for more putting. 

Where is it? Broadgate Quarter, 88 Worship St

How much for a round? Take on nine holes from £12 per person.

Plonk is taking over the world. This quirky, tiki-themed course first popped up in Dalston's Efes, a Turkish pool-hall-come-late-night-bar, in April 2015. Now, there are several Plonks knocking about from London Fields and Camden Market to the Horniman Museum. This UV masterpiece features a bundle of bright decor, like glowing volcanoes with neon orange magma, while there are some nice holes that fire your ball onto tricksy little mechanisms, a loop the loop, and a lot of impossibly steep ramps. All in all: it’s a great place for a plonking party.

Where is it? Arch 407 Mentmore Terrace, E8 3PH

How much for a round? £8.50 per person.

If Michael Crichton had written about DNA cloning’s miraculous potential to create putting hazards, this is what 'Jurassic Park' would’ve been like – right down to the theme tune they blare from the speakers every 20 minutes or so. The holes mightn’t be the most challenging, but the course’s fringing is awesome: velociraptors loom from lakes of blood, and giant diplodocus stand stark against the skyline as animatronic dinos bark at golfers. 

Where is it? World of Golf, New Malden

How much for a round? £11 for adults or £9 for kids, with deals for groups and families. 

Expect high-pitched company at this 18-hole Croydon course – it’s so child-friendly that club hire takes place at a gift shop full of plastic swords, axes and daggers-slash-bubble wands. Pathways are stamped with luminous green dragon footprints, one hole’s set in a massive castle turret, there’s a dragon’s tail jutting from the top of a replica waterfall, and there’s a giant trebuchet in the midst of the course (obvs). Be warned: one hole involves you sinking a ball while a speaker pipes a deafening squeal of serpent rage into your ear. Even St George would struggle with that one.

Where is it? World of Golf Croydon, 175 Long Lane

How much for a round? £9 per person, with discounts for kids and seniors.

A new and improved crazy golf extravaganza, and part of Sidcup Family Golf (formerly World of Golf). Mr Mulligans Dino Golf is a prehistoric adventure course with 36 perilous holes that are roaring fun. It's wacky, silly, and also pretty damned tricky: expect to find yourself chipping balls onto a small shelf, over rapids, and facing other challenges that are a total pain in the putt. 

Where is it? Sidcup Family Golf, A20, Sidcup Bypass

How much for a round? One game costs £10.25 per adult. Want more putting action? Get two games for £13.75.

Located in Unit 30, Boxpark Wembley, Pop Golf is an attempt to let you play crazy golf inside a music video. Here, that means a lot of eye-catching neon and holes dedicated to iconic videos from the likes of Drake and Kylie Minogue.

There’s no real theme to this Battersea Park-based course – unless you count “AstroTurf”, “rockery” or “crap, I lost my ball in that water feature!” Nonetheless, it’s so popular that even on a midweek daytime, people were waiting for torrential rain to finish so they could hit the course (although possibly this is due to the trendy bar-cum-cafe-cum-wood-fired-pizzeria it’s attached to. Expect mini bridges, weird divots and rogue streamlets to avoid on a course that’s fairly no-frills but still plenty of fun. They also have very similar courses in Wandsworth and Acton.

Where is it? Battersea Park, Albert Bridge Road

How much for a round? £14 per adult or £11 for under-15s. 

The once pop-up, putting-course-cum-bar, street-food emporium that kick-started the crazy golf trend has gone permanent. There are two nine-hole courses, food stalls from Breddos, Patty & Bun and Pizza Pilgrims. The courses are less madcap than most of the city’s offerings, tending towards a slicker night-out experience, but nonetheless, there’s still a loop-the-loop. And an automatically rotating lighthouse. And a windmill with spinning blades. And a tree that’s filled with lights that flash when you putt into the final hole. 

Where is it? 8 Brown’s Buildings (between St Mary Axe and Bury Street)

How much for a round? £12 per person.

After you’ve finished your shopping at Westfield London, head downstairs for the craziest game of golf you’ve ever played. Crowned the world’s first hi-tech mini-golfing concept, Puttshack uses ground-breaking tech to spice up your standard game of mini-golf. And top it all off, the island bar and dining area boasts delicious meals and an extensive list of rum cocktails to aid your celebrations or commiserations.

Where is it? Westfield London, Ariel Way

How much for a round? Get putting for £13. 

Birdies’ first permanent mini golf base is tucked away in the refurbed Battersea Power Station so you can go try and beat the holes between shopping.Expect lots of obstacles on the course, neon lights, plus cocktails and burgers. All you need to do is bring your A-game.

Where is it? 6 Arches Lane, Battersea

How much for a round? £13.50 per adult or £8.50 per child; students should pay at the venue rather than online for a discount.

Nominally themed to Herman Melville’s 1851 literary opus, ‘Moby Dick’ – albeit with more geezers yelling ‘Oi Oi!’ – this 18-hole course in Dagenham is supposedly inspired by whale bones that sat at the toll-booth on nearby Whalebone Lane for most of the eighteenth century. There’s a 60-metre lagoon dyed the colour of blue Toilet Duck, an eight-metre waterfall and a hole that involves putting through the 9ft mouth of a replica sperm whale. It’s a lot of fun. And definitely inspired by the area: it’s totally Barking. 

Where is it? Cranfield Golf Centre, Romford

How much for a round? £11 per "captain", aka anyone over 12 years old.

With four locations across the UK, CrazyPutt draws inspiration from 80s American mini golf – or rather 'Adventure Golf' – courses. Thanks to ace skyline views, floodlit grounds, and a sleek onsite restaurant, Greenwich Peninsula is a particularly date-friendly option – and those with genuine golfing aspirations can book a lesson at the rather more professional driving range if they like.

Where is it? Greenwich Peninsula 

How much for a round? Give it your best shot for £12 per adult.

Billed as Europe's largest adventure golf course, this ambitious 36-hole playground gives even Mr Mulligan a run for his money. With two themes – 'Amazon' and 'Congo', Lost Jungle is as decked out with 'Aztec' ruins, bizarrely blue waterfalls, palm trees, giant tarantulas and snakes as you'd like to expect. This family-friendly course features a cute onsite cafe (think ice creams and soft drinks) – and although no bookings are required, queues tend to move fairly swiftly.

Where is it? Watford By-Pass, Edgware 

How much for a round? £10 for nine holes, £12 for 18, or £18 for a whopping 36.