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Flinders Street Station and tram
Photograph: Benn McGuinness/Unsplash

19 things Melburnians say they'll do, but never will

Rose Johnstone
Written by
Rose Johnstone

You’ve got to give it to us: we dream big in Melbourne. That said, not all our intentions become reality. It’s time to accept that most of us probably won't...

1. Find a way to visit the Flinders Street Station Ballroom – Melbourne’s white whale, if you will. If no one ever sees it, then does it even truly exist?

2. Get up early and go for a run around the Tan, instead of snoozing to the point that you’ve got three minutes to frantically get ready for work.

3. Book in for a full degustation at Attica or Brae (with matching wines, of course).

4. Buy a bike lock that takes more than a pair of nail scissors to cut.

5. Quit your job and finally launch that collaborative tech start-up you’ve been working on.

6. Actually find a spot where your whole crew can sit together at the Queen Victoria Night Market.

7. Host a house party with an epic theme, smoke machines, live bands and performance art, instead of just putting out a bowl of chips.

8. Start making your own coffee so you’re not single-handedly putting your barista through graphic design school.

9. Ride the whole Yarra Trail instead of stopping at the first pub you pass and “resting” until darkness falls.

10. Reject the duopoly of Coles and Woolworths in favour of the mixed fruit and veggie box at CERES.

11. Enrol in that woodworking/silversmithing/pottery class.

12. Attempt to win the Comedy Festival's passport so you can see more shows than seems humanly possible.

13. Have just one (one!) cocktail at the Black Pearl.

14. Set your alarm for 7am on a Sunday to line up for Lune’s perfect, perfect croissants.

15. Make it through the crushing crowds at White Night and stay past 8pm.

16. Cheer on your friends doing Run Melbourne, instead of meeting them later in the afternoon for brunch.

17. Go foraging on the Merri Creek Trail for edible weeds, then host a dinner party so you can feed the edible weeds to your friends. 

18. Join your friends for a “quick dance and a drink” and not end up at Boney at 7am.

19. Stay in and save money this weekend.


Never fear: Here are 17 genius Melbourne hacks to make your life easier.

Or have fun telling these 19 lies to Melbourne tourists.

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