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27 things only tourists do in Melbourne

Nic Dowse

We love sharing our amazing (and very happy) city with travellers. But even the best tourists can sometimes standout from the black-clad local crowd. Here are 27 things that you'll only see tourists doing in Melbourne. 

1. Walking frustratingly slow along Swanston Street. In fact, anyone who voluntarily decides to walk along Swanston Street.

2. Stopping to take a selfie midway across the Princes Bridge.

3. Thinking the height of Melbourne’s dining scene is eating on the Colonial Tramcar Restaurant (RIP).

4. Or dining at 6pm at Southbank.

5. Taking a 'so original' new profile pic with everyone else in Hosier Lane.

6. Touching off on a tram.

7. Trying to buy a ticket on a tram (WE’RE SORRY, IT SHOULD BE POSSIBLE).

8. Displaying a kind of cool bravado by standing on trams without holding on, only to stumble as soon as the tram moves.

9. Going into a café and ordering an ‘expresso’, ‘americano’ or anything ‘with cream’.

10. Getting coffee at Starbucks.

11. Wearing anything other than 80 per cent black clothing.

12. Not having a footy team.

13. Having a 'footy' team that’s any code other than AFL.

14. Thinking you'll get a table at Hopetoun Tea Rooms quickly.

15. Not understanding hook turns – guys, going left to turn right makes perfect sense.

16. Expecting a ride on the Melbourne Star won’t take that long.

17. Going to Lygon Street specifically to eat Italian food.

18. Pronouncing ACMI as 'A-C-M-I' not 'ack-me'.

19. Struggling over the pronunciations of the following suburbs: Maribyrnong, Prahran, Lalor, Beaumaris or Mordialloc.

20. Standing in the middle of Little Bourke Street to take photos of the Chinatown arches.

21. Buying the inauthentic souvenirs at Queen Victoria Market.

22. Rocking up to Queen Victoria Market when it's closed.

23. Calling trams ‘trolleys’.

24. Thinking that sitting on milk crates at cafés is a cute and novel idea and not at all ergonomically flawed.

25. Walking in/out of the NGV through the wrong doors and getting barked at by security.

26. Un-ironically commenting on how Melbourne 'has four seasons in one day'. 

27. Abbreviating chicken parmigiana as 'parmi' (or anything other than 'parma').

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