1 The Instagrammer
These snap-happy foodies never tuck into their Cupping Room brunch before bursting the yolk of their poached egg and uploading it on their iPhone for the love of #eggporn. Then they move their coffee to the floor and stand on a chair to shoot it with a perfect bird’s-eye view and capture that #latteart. Their dining partners are in a constant state of hungry impatience because the camera eats first.
2 The Faux It All
The Faux It All acts like they know everything, but in reality they know nothing. They’ll drink biodynamic wine but can’t tell you how it’s made. They’ll eat at Michelin-starred restaurants but don’t know what Michelin does apart from tires. They’ll eat at Bibo for the cultural surrounds but are ignorant about art. They order Béarnaise expecting Hollandaise. They talk the talk but can’t walk the walk.
3 The Enthusiast
The Enthusiast has a day job but they’re just as keen and knowledgeable as any professional critic. They trawl through publications to see what’s new and what’s hot. They’ll occasionally blag themselves into restaurant opening parties, as they consider being one of the first through the doors a personal win. They genuinely love food and can recommend a whole spectrum of eats from cheap local joints to fine dining.
4 The Vegetarian
The Vegetarian is a permanent fixture at Mana, overflowing with kale and good intentions. They’re desperate to eat with their omnivore friends but can only relax if there’s a salad buffet onsite. They’ll always suggest eating at Grassroots Pantry even with their most carnivorous of friends, and they get their proteins from quinoa. We’re sure they’re much healthier than most of us, but we wonder if they’re ever really satisfied.
5 The Diet Slave
The Diet Slave is determined to stick to their diet. They’ll head to La Vache! with pals and fill up on salad and have every intention to keep to ‘a few’ fries until they realise they’ve already pinched an entire portion’s worth. They’ll head to 208 Duecento Otto and proclaim on the way in how they’re looking forward to a salad, and then promptly order a pizza.
6 The Responsible Foodie
The Responsible Foodie ensures their food is locally sourced and sustainable. Catch them chatting to chefs at Fish School to make sure that fish they’re about to tuck into isn’t nearing extinction. They brunch on organic produce from local farmers at Locofama and are permanently attempting to minimise their food-miles.
7 The Money Bags
The Money Bags won’t do anything less than brunch at the Mandarin Oriental or afternoon tea at The Peninsula. They don’t quite understand the concept of money like the rest of us do and are mystified at why their friends can’t afford lunch at the Ritz-Carlton on the regs. They sip nothing less than bottles of Dom, and wild nights out constitute table service at Tazmania Ballroom.
8 The Long-Suffering Partner
The Long-Suffering Partner is often paired up with one of the other personalities on this list. They couldn’t care less where they eat – they’ll go practically anywhere and eat anything. Often seen with the likes of The Enthusiast, they won’t even bother to look at the menu since they know someone else is handling the ordering. They don’t tend to have much of an opinion on food, but that’s what makes them such a good partner for more hardcore diners.
9 The Cook
The Cook considers themselves to be a wizard in the kitchen and loves to throw dinner parties. They can whip up the finest cuisine in the comfort of their own tiny home thanks to their knowledge of the SAR’s local markets. They know where to get the freshest produce and likely grow their own herbs in a modest window box.
10 The Jaded One
The Jaded One gives no consideration to who designed a restaurant and avoids any place affiliated with a celebrity chef. They grumble that dining these days is full of distractions and that all it takes to make a truly great meal is good company and a good bottle of wine. You’ll often find them dining at dai pai dongs claiming they’re more ‘real’.