Cheese: your booty call, your fromage-with-benefits, your mozzarella fella.
Cheese will always be there for you, treating you sensually, tenderly, caerphilly.
You’re just a mixed-up good girl with one fatal weakness: a burning desire for the pressed curds of milk. And you don't give edam who knows it.
1) Raclette Brothers, various locations
These brothers melt the hell out of a wheel of cheese.
Then use it to smother some lesser, non-cheese ingredients.
They’re popping up in Bermondsey at the moment – check their Twitter for all the details.
2) Androuet, Spitalfields
Fondue – the cheesiest thing of all. Question: is it legit to dip cheese in fondue? Asking for a friend.
3) St. Moritz, Soho
With each morsel, as you consume the fondue, the fondue also consumes you, spiralling through the stars for ever, like that bit in ‘La La Land’.
4) Archie’s, Deptford
This exotic dish is known as ‘queso fundido’.
(That’s some sexy foreign words for ‘melted cheese’)
Cheese is the international language. The language of love.
5) The Cheese Truck, various locations
Will you just LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS SANDWICH. Sweet Lord, have mercy. (Also, they’re opening a permanent location in Camden in February.)
6) Grill My Cheese, Leather Lane
GMC sometimes grill rainbow toasties, because why not? And because they’re roguish bad boys who don’t follow society’s rules, they’ll also be like ‘fuck it’ and put mac ‘n’ cheese in a cheese toastie. Cheese in thrilling, dangerous new formats.
Talking of which...
7) The Mac Factory, Camden
Macaroni, and maybe sautéed mushrooms, or chorizo, or truffle oil, garlic, or onions, or croutons... and your true love, cheese.
8) Hawksmoor, across London
Sure, Hawksmoor’s mac ‘n’ cheese is intended as a side dish – so just order three of them, add a bottle of wine, and SHAZAM! A classy dinner for one. (Let’s face it, by this point your lust for cheese has become an addiction driving away most of your friends and loved ones. Cheese is a jealous lover.)
9) La Fromagerie, Marylebone
‘My desires are unconventional.’ ‘So show me.’ La Fromagerie's Black Room of Cheese, your own personal Red Room of Pain. But, y’know, with cheese.
10) Cheeses of Muswell Hill, Muswell Hill
Their success is a testament to what happens when you turn your passion into your profession.
This could be you if you had your life on track, but there is some concern your ceaseless need for cheese will spiral into a gooey yellow life disaster leaving you crouched behind a bin licking the insides of discarded Babybel containers, while passing schoolkids call you ‘Cheese Lady’, and you shriek ‘THAT’S MRS CHEESE TO YOU!' because cheese, in your gouda-addled mind, has become your life partner. We’re all here for you.
11) Walluc, Shoreditch
But until that day comes, there’s still fondue.
And finally, a gratuitous video montage of London‘s hottest cheese doing its sexy melty thang.
London’s fittest melting cheese
London’s sexiest melting cheese is guaranteed to get you hot under the collar...Posted by Time Out London on Monday, 30 January 2017